Maybe You Knew About These Fetishes, but . . .

by Deuce of Clubs

(January 2010)

. . . I did not.

I've never entitled an interview "What the...?" but this time I was tempted.

Most people like women who are smart, funny, beautiful, that sort of thing. There are, however, people for whom those things are not enough.

Sarah Jane is smart, funny, and beautiful . . . and something more. For years I'd read her (now defunct) website, "The Scandalous Diary of a Vegas Playgirl" before my then-girlfriend and I met her one stoned and storied night in Las Vegas a few years ago. A former boyfriend of Sarah Jane's has since caused her to be shed of her pink Lincoln and saddled with a mortgage that has led her to embark on scandalous adventures of an even more extraordinary type: she's entered the world of fetish porn.

Unless you're a total freak, the term "fetish porn" probably conjures up mind pictures of latex, masks, and ball gags. That's not inaccurate as far as it goes and, of course, there are always things like hotchickswithstubbedtoesmakingsexfaces.com, hotchickswithfistsintheirmouths.com, hotchickspickingupdogshit.com, hotchickssmilingatgroundzero.com, and (of course) hotchicksplungingtheirtoilets.com. While those may be more or less joke sites (right?), you may not know that fetish porn goes in waaaaaaaay quirkier directions than that, as Sarah Jane will describe for you. Up until now, for example, I wouldn't have categorized a thermal image of a fart in progress as porn. I've now become a fundamentalist believer in the literal truth of Rule 34 ("If something exists, there's porn about it").

(I'd love to know how much of this stuff has been studied . . . and by whom. I have to believe that being turned on by vomit has to arise from some narrow and well-defined pathology/circumstances. Somehow I can't imagine very many people who'd suddenly say to themselves one day, "You know, up until now, it just never occurred to me how sexy puke can be!" I wonder also how much of it is new. What a horrible fate it would've been to have a thing for PVC in centuries before it was invented. "I crave . . . GAH, I DON'T KNOW—SOMETHING!")

Procedural note: I decided to conduct this interview via Facebook chat. Besides saving me from having to transcribe it from a recording, the informality of the chat format lends itself well to Sarah Jane's freewheeling manner. Obviously, the way people type in a chat isn't how they'd write something for publication, even on the web. Therefore, because corrections have been minimal, you should make the allowances customary with chat transcripts. I assure you that she is quite literate. (If you don't believe me, follow the link at the bottom of this page to read her more recent online writings.)

Under what name do you want to be interviewed?

Whatever you prefer... you can mention both names, I'm not secretive about it!

So . . .

I just started about a year ago

I was browsing craigslist adult gigs

Bored before work one day, and had just broken up with my conservative ex.

He had just left me with an obscene mortgage to pay each month

so I was looking into alternate avenues of revenue!

I saw an ad for "Fetish models with no tattoos, no nudity required" for face-sitting videos down in Phoenix

So on a whim I submitted my pics.

The director happened to be visiting Vegas that weekend, and we arranged to meet up and discuss the work.

I met him for cocktails after work one night, and he turned out to be a genial jock-type about my own age (32) with bad acne scarring but an otherwise good-looking, all-American appearance.

His fetish name was Luke, so I refer to him privately as Luke the Mook.

He was very nice and down-to-earth, and not TOO creepy

So I agreed to have him fly me down to Phoenix for a shoot

He explained that they paid $400 for one hour's worth of content for his site.

If I flew down and spent the night at his place, we could do two filming sessions and I'd be $800 richer

And all I'd have to do is sit on strange men's faces so that their breathing was restricted and they began to suffocate

Cake!

While clothed, I should add.

I wasn't ready to sit on strangers' faces in the nude, mind you.

So I flew down the next week on my day off, and Luke picked me up at the airport

I had to have a bloody mary or two at the airport on the way, to steady my nerves

which I wrote off on my taxes as "entertainment"

Who'd believe the IRS wouldn't have a category for "face-sitting-related expenses"?

my accountant was nonplussed and titillated by my scandalously labeled receipts... he blushed more than once

You'd think he'd see all sorts of stuff, in Vegas.

yeah, he's a real square family-type mormon guy, referred by an old lady acquaintance! LOL!

anyhoo

Luke picked me up and took me straight over to the house where filming was to take place.

...the suburban tract home of a local perv and smother fetishist/ tech geek who had volunteered to appear in the vids for free

it was a win-win

we got a free sub, and he got free facesitting

something which would have cost him big bucks at a strip club

his house was tastefully decorated with Star Wars and Lord of the Rings memorabilia

plus a full Rock Band setup

which I found touchingly geeky

I made awkward conversation with him as Luke set up the lighting

our first clip was to be 10 min of me sitting on the geek's face while I ate dinner.

We had stopped at Panda Express on the way from the airport

Free plug for Panda Express. Win-win-win!

so Luke set the coffee table with silverware, napkin and glass of water and had the geek lay underneath

(panda x because he wanted something that required the use of silverware... to make it look more formal and ladylike, hahahaha)

I sat down to eat, and planted my camouflage pants-covered ass on the geek's face

and proceeded to take my time eating the Chinese food, one dainty bite at a time

Were camo pants requested?

no

I just happened to be wearing them

but they fit in with the femdomarmy theme

so now my ass is actually on the main page of his site!

There was no dialogue

Guess it would have been pretty one-sided dialogue....

just me sitting there, eating in silence, stopping now and then to take a sip of water and dab my lips with a napkin

niceties for which i normally have little or no time

he squirmed underneath, and after 10 minutes I was done eating and the clip was over

his nose was all red

and covered in broken capillaries

but he was clearly exhilarated

You were actually putting your weight on him the whole time??

yes!

I felt bad, like I didn't want to hurt him

but luke kept exhorting me to let my full weight rest on him

no matter if he squirmed or complained or anything

we filmed 5 more clips of me in different outfits sitting on his face in various scenarios

luke was big on little set-ups

like in one clip, the perv was tied up and I had on a commie outfit

he was my prisoner, and wouldn't talk, so I came out and told him i had a GUARANTEED way to make him talk

HAHA!

which was facesitting

oddly enuf

like he could talk around a facefull of my ass

I hadn't chosen a fetish name yet, so I let Luke pick one

he said he liked my hillbilly girl-next-door real name (Sarah Jane) and wanted to go along those same lines

so he called me Missy May

Missy May the Commie

you can see my clips at [site defunct].

not that I make any royalties, but whatevs

I was going to ask about that.

You just get a fee, right?

yes, just the $400

so anyhoo

the biggest thunderstorm in 100 years was brewing outside

(which was great for the commie clip, you could hear it cracking and booming outside as I tortured the geek for information)

so we couldn't go out or anything, just went back to Luke's house and hung out chatting all evening

About?

his business

and how he makes his money

he showed me how he gets email receipts every time one of his clips sells

and they come in around the clock, from all over the world

some poor perv in London ordered 10 clips right then

Wow.

we figured it to be about evening time in london, and figured he was settling in for a nice long evening of kink

so we talked about travel, and sex, and this and that

we actually got along very well

and he was a great host

he wanted me to try and fart on video

which was what he really needed -- he'd had a lot of requests for farting girls

so I promised to try

Couldn't that just be dubbed?

NO!

the pervs are very savvy

they can tell if it's faked

CAN'T FOOL THE PERVS!!

they want to see the asshole contract and all

not to be gross

Oh! Got it.

These aren't demure farts we're talking about.

I was planning on wearing panties, so idk how they would know about that

either way, I was tired and exhausted from my first foray into the underworld

so i went to bed fairly early in his guest bedroom

the next morning I got up and went about the business of getting gassy

I drank a quart of milk

I DETEST milk

and am lactose intolerant

"Jeeves, I require broccoli!"

so I figured it would do the trick

still nothing

so then we got in the car and drove around the block to taco bell

for a bean burrito

Plugs left & right, here.

yeah, fast food nation

I scarfed the burrito and we went back to film

my belly was totally bloated, but I was too nervous

I tried and tried, but only got one good one out

he had me lay on the floor while he stepped on my belly and everything

but no farts would come

i'm too trained to be a lady i guess

hahaha

he paid me for trying anyway

I think he was sweet on me

and took me back to the airport.

I was back in vegas in time for work

the end.

I guess the obvious question is, had you left detailed word of where you were headed, & so forth?

not really

i think i told my mom and one of my friends

that's it

no address though or anything

!!!

i like living life on the edge

i got a good vibe from him

when i met him for drinks

shrug

What about those stories where a model gets offed in the desert by a photographer?

i hear all about that

all the time

from all my friends and relatives

i've only brought a gun once

because i was suspicious

but then the guy turned out to be so nice i felt bad

You can always work a gun into a shoot.

i would have been sooooo embarrassed if he knew i had a gun

I mean, a film shoot.

hahah

i do take risks

but calculated ones

You're very open about your fetish work. You describe your family as unusual but have any of them given you any flack about it?

not really

my mom doesn't like me doing the breath holding stuff

because she's afraid i'll asphyxiate

other than that they're cool

we had a family website

like a newspaper, and I wrote an article all about it in there

it was great! you should read that

Is it still up?

it's private; you have to have a password so I'd have to just email you the article

the website is defunct i think

family got tired of it

except for me

i was the only one posting

Shocker!

LOL!

I always missed your Vegas Playgirl site. Funny, funny writing.

I MISS IT TERRIBLY!!!!!

I do have a new diary you can plug.

So, you do breath holding, face sitting, EKGs (???), underwater, stomach noises--where do you think this stuff comes from?

NO IDEA!

people get turned on by straaaange stuff

stuff happens when they're kids

and it scars them

This is such specific stuff.

like the xpansion fetish

where women inflate

I'd think, yeah, a few people, but not enough to make money from.

it all stems from the violet beauregard scne in willy wonka

its a huge fetish now

Seriously? For real, that's the origin?

yes, the real origin

Wonkawankin'!

or humiliation

humiliation is from moms being abusive

it's really sad

Have you heard of Rule 34?

no

Basically, "if it exists, there's porn about it."

probably true

i've done sneezing, neti pot, coughing

overeating

burping

horsey back riding

What's neti pot?

it's a sinus rinsing pot

you use to rinse your sinuses

like a little teapot

Yipe. That creeps me out. I have a friend who uses one of those.

yeah i did a vid with it once

all about the snot for some ppl

Snot = hot, huh?

also spitting, slapping

piggy noses

funny faces

ear twisting

trampling

How many of those have you done?

which?

The ones you just listed.

one or two of each

except trampling

which is very popular

and i've done A LOT of that one

burping a lot too

and overeating

done a few of those

I saw the one you linked where you trampled Xmas ornaments. There's got to be really, really sad stories behind that one!

yeah, when you think about it, probably

me and my roomie just cooked that one up on a whim

he thought the balls would crunch nicely

no market research was done

HAHA!

You're usually so careful about your body--do you get extra money for the overeating ones?

no... I enjoy overeating!

I do it every now and then

for fun and profit

im careful not to push myself TOO far

this other chick i work with

goes way too far

and pukes every time

I don't puke

whatever I eat stays in my body

so I can never beat her

:-( :-(

Don't the people who want to see overeating also want to see puking?

yes, but it's illegal

no puking

???

shitting, pissing

blood

animals

underage ppl

damn puritans

!!!

Why is puking on video illegal? Is that considered a bodily fluid?

i guess... idk, spitting is allowed

it's illogical and asinine

I suppose a case could be made that every fetish is weird, but these struck me as weirder than, for example, "sexy teacher/student."

yeah I suppose... I'm not here to judge, though, just to pay my mortgage!

it mostly boils down to subordination

guys like to be dominated by women

secretly

Of the types you've done, which strikes you as the weirdest?

inflation probably

I had to wear a full inflatable bodysuit

underneath some huge XXXL walmart clothes

the scenario was:

i was sitting at the computer doing my homework

while also blowing up helium balloons

i was "stressed out" at having to do this term paper while also having to prep for a party

but I figured if i didn't ace this term paper, I 'd never advance beyond being a janitor (hence my ugly XXL walmart attire)

so I'm typing

and filling balloons

and stressing

and finally I look at one of the balloons

and go, "Gee, I wish I could just float away like one of these balloons..."

Hmmmm....

(Topical!)

I took the balloon in my mouth

and sucked in the helium

they activated the air compressor that fed the fat suit

and I began to expand

sloooowly

as I got fatter, I started to panic

i patted my swelling bosoms and belly

and eventually came to terms with it

the director was adamant I say the word "explode"

Nice.

so finally I grew resigned

sighed

and said, "Gee, I guess I'll just explode..."

at which time my face was totally squashed by the fat suit rising up to my cheeks

my voice was all strangled

which the director said the pervs would LOVE

Did they have you do the helium voice?

no.

and finally, the money shot was when my shirt buttons blew off and hit the helium tank

ping!

Just by serendipity?

no, carefully orchestrated

very carefully!

The pervs don't mind that level of special effects, but fake farting is out of the question?

yeah, go figure

the director was this super cool ex-porn star

super beautiful , but run to fat

and turned to fetish to make money

still gorgeous tho

she appeared in a clip with me

we had a boob-growing contest

which i won

her tits blew up

("Exploded," you mean.)

as in, exploded

You have a straight job, too, right? Would there be any repercussions if they found out? Or are they pretty much everything-goes-in-Vegas types?

i post it all on facebook, and i have several work friends and bosses on there

no one's complained yet

Do you ever get leads that way?

from FB?

not yet, really

I meant from friends & bosses, but sure, FB either?

well, maybe in a roundabout way

not from bosses tho

theyre just amused

and titillated!

Do you prefer the nude modeling to the fetish videos, or does it matter?

either. nude modeling pays better usually

That seems backwards, somehow.

for some reason i have a block about appearing nude on film

only did it once

if i did, i might make more

i'll probably cave soon

guy wants me to do naked mermaid vids

That's just topless, though, right?

no, fully nude

Where's the authenticity??

LOLOLOL!!!!

this is vegas

For the divinelyssa.com stuff, is that yours, or do you get a flat fee? It seems like it'd be yours.

the guy offered me either $100 /hour or my own site

i took the site

so the credt card hosting company takes 10%

and we split the other 90%

me net 45%

not much :-( :-(

about $20/day...or less!!!

But didn't you just start it up fairly recently?

yes, one month ago or less

i have to build a fan base i guess

How do you go about doing that?

No idea!!!

Get interviewed on some dumbass's website, maybe?

yeah, hopefully some breath/heartbeat people are reading this!

What's their slang term for that?

none that i'm aware of

Maybe there's your angle--come up with one and trademark it.

good idea!!!!!

I'll bet you could come up with a million!

maybe so...

fetish market's so saturated tho

You could try to tie in the "Breatharians" (the new agers who think they can survive on oxygen alone)

oh jesus

i'll have to look them up

Jasmuheen is the name of the eedjit who came up with that one.

lol

Any funny story/stories you'd like to end with?

yes, about my mom

about how cool she is with all this

back in the day I used to have a sugar daddy thing

where i wanted a rich old man boyfriend to buy me stuff and "keep" me

I dated a few musty old captains of industry

and made a few bucks

but my heart was never in it

finally

one christmas

my mom dressed up like santa claus on xmas morning

she came in the living room with her sack of gifts

and gave them out one by one to me and my siblings

like, "Now Daniel, I hear you've been doing really well in school. Here's an XBox 360 for you!"

When it was my turn

she got all stern:

"Now Sarah, Santa hears you've been having sex with old men for money. That has to stop, or no more gifts!!"

LOL!

I was like, "Sorry, Santa!!! I promise, I 'll stop!!!"

She said she's gonna do it again if i don't stop the breath holding stuff

Santa would make a great sugar daddy.

too true; the best!

I don't get it. There are a lot of more dangerous things one could do than hold one's breath.

she is just skeeved out by it...

strange but true!

out of all the shit i do, that's the one that bothers her

It's not like you're chained in Houdini's Water Torture Chamber.

(Er . . . is it?)

yeah but i think it's linked to a drowning fetish which is sick, and creepy

Have you been at it long enough that when you start dating someone you have a standard "introductory talk"?

no, i put it on blast on all my dating profiles so it's no surprise

it's an incentive, if anything

What do you mean by blast?

I mention it openly, right away, as an interesting fact of my life

a hobby, as it were

Nice open policy.

yeah but the guy i'm dating is a little weirded out

he tried not to be

but he's jealous

but i told him, i cannot be fettered or tied down!

Not unprofessionally, at any rate.

HAHA

I must be free to fart in the face of decency

any more Qs? I gotta wash my hair for tomorrow's mermaid shoot

If I think of more, I'll let you know. Thanks, this was fun, SJ!

thank YOU! talk soon!

Gracias y buenos noches.

nitey nite

You can read Sarah Jane's hilarious written accounts of her ongoing adventures at WonderHussy.com.