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Sayings Along the Way

(Most of which came over the CB)

Charles shows signs of Roadwear
"Do you do drugs?" -- Rutger Hauer lookalike German TV cameraman, to occupants of The Duke

Marilyn: Okay, no jokes for the next five minutes while we work on something creative, okay?
Scott: Fine. Say, that reminds me of a joke...

"Next time we pass some cows, yell out SIZZLER! They HATE that!" -- Charles

"This is music to look at yourself naked in the mirror by." -- Daniel, commenting on a Leon Russell song on the radio

"I think they missed their buddies up there on that comet's tail!" -- About a hundred damn truckers, with what was the comment of choice re: the Caravan

Patti, explaining her tattoo of Pippi Longstocking: "She's, like, my heroine."
Deuce: "I see. That explains why you decided to shoot her under your skin with a needle."

New! Go to the bottom of this page for Patti's Rebuttal!

Burford shows signs of Roadwear
[Phone rings in the middle of the night in the bungalow where we're all sleeping. Daniel answers:]
"Hello? Hello? I don't...wait a minute--Philo! Philo! What's the name of the O'Connor? Okay. O'Connor residence. [Pause] Did you need to speak to Mr. O'Connor? Oh, this is Mr. O'Connor? Hi! I just want to say thank you for having us here. It's been real nice. Umm, I think I'm on the extension here. In your guest house. The bungalow. Oh. Okay. Well, bye." [Hangs up] "That was weird." [Everybody laughs]
[What happened was, someone called the O'Connor house, Daniel picked up the phone at the same time as Mr. O'Connor, the owner, who was in the main house. The person calling, hearing Daniel, immediately hung up, setting the stage for the fascinating little chat between Daniel & Mr. O'Connor. I'm sure this makes sense only to those who were there, but I had to include it for those of you who were...]

"I don't know what they're smokin', but I wonder if they'd share any?" -- Passing Trucker

"They're looking for a hole in the ozone so they can escape to reality." -- Another Trucker

Bumper sticker: "Celebrate Diversity"
Burford amends: "Celibate Diversity"
Deuce amends: "Celibate Perversity"

"I been drivin' past them things fer fifteen years. They don't grow no taller." -- Passing trucker, on being told we were on our way to Cadillac Ranch

"Yes, I'd like a roadrunner disguise, some bird feed, and some dynamite. Oh, and some rocket-powered roller skates." (Upon entering Acme, TX)

Charles (on kicking a passenger out of The Grape): "I don't wanna take another life!"
Deuce: "How many have you taken already?"
Charles: [Big smile]

"We are now entering a very nice Edward Hopper painting." -- Daniel, commenting on a landscape

Charles the Grape's Rules for Living:

1. Never trust a man in lavender pants.
2. Don't pose for photos with weird foreigners.
3. (There is a third rule, but Charles forgot to tell me.)

Deuce: "I still have to get a picture of The Leopard Car."
Burford: "Huh? Oh! I thought you said Leper Car." Wouldn't that be great--a car falling apart & everything?
Deuce: "What does that have to do with...oh! I thought you said Leprechan."
[Between trip hop, wind, and the CB, conversation in the White Courtesy Van often became difficult.]

Daniel: "I like the bridges in Phoenix. They have, like, colors in them."
Deuce: "Must be all that ochra we mix into the cement."
Daniel: "Oh! They're cajun bridges. SOUL BRIDGES!"

"I got a rubber chicken I coulda donated to 'em." -- Trucker

"That was like diving into freezing water only to find it's a dummy." -- Karl
(After risking life, limb, and reputation by hanging out of the van door as we cruise through an intersection, in a successful effort to snag a Caravan member's sunglasses, which turn out to be official Pabst Blue Ribbon sunglasses, estimated value probably in the neighborhood of 89 cents. AZ governor Fife Symington must have felt similar when, as a student, he saved from drowning a fellow student by the name of Bill Clinton.)

Patti's Rebuttal:

Deuce - Chief SlantMaster of the World Wide Web:
I will forgive you for making fun of me--Like, I totally don't say like--only because I know, in your heart, you didn't really mean to represent me as quite so brainless. Yeah, right.
Anyway, I'd hoped for a brighter retort - perhaps a little Pippi history to knock me on my ass - or maybe a daunting analogy to completely confound me. I'll look forward to that next time.

[Non-controversial portions snipped...]
I must report to the empty-headed masses for I am, you know, like, their Queen.
Ta Ta -
Miss Patti
of recent caravan melange (you'll have to imagine the accent over the "e". Pine does not allow such foreign intrusions.)

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