A Conversation with

Makers of the Enigmatic


8 May 1997, 9:15am MST

TWANG: Good morning, TWANG, Incorporated.
[Whoa! She sounds exactly like Holly Hunter in Raising Arizona!]

Deuce: Hi! We just returned from a long trip through Texas, and we ran into your ... product ... all over the place ...

TWANG: Yes, sir?

Deuce: ... and we were just wondering: what is it supposed to be? We don't understand.

TWANG: It's a, it's a flavored salt. Put it on, you put it with your, put it with your beer, you put it on salads, fish, chicken

Deuce: Ohhhhh. Okay. So you're not supposed to just EAT it.

TWANG: No, you can.

Deuce: Well, we did!

TWANG: [Laughs] Children have, you know, kids have been known to. But other than that ...

Deuce: Now, we saw the Chili, Pickle, and Lemon-Lime.

TWANG: Uh-huh.

Deuce: Are there others?

TWANG: No, that's it, just the, the Lemon-Lime--can I put you on hold for a second?

Deuce: Sure.

TWANG: Oh, someone else grabbed it. Thanks. Thank you, Patrick. Uh, we have the Lemon-Lime, the Chili, and the Pickle.

Deuce: So just those three. Is it a drink mixer at all?

TWANG: No sir, not to my knowledge.

Deuce: Not at all, huh? I mean, one of our guys kind of got hooked on it, there.

TWANG: Yeah.

Deuce: We'd heard the truckers kind of liked it 'cos it had some sort of, uh, you know, ingredient ... you know what I'm saying?

TWANG: [Silence]

Deuce: You know, like Coca-Cola used to have, way back when?

TWANG: Umm...

Deuce: You know what I'm talking about.

TWANG: I think so.

Deuce: Is it true?

TWANG: I don't, I don't know.

Deuce: You don't know?

TWANG: I don't ... I personally, I don't know.

Deuce: What exactly is "silicon dioxide"?

TWANG: It's just a binder.

Deuce: Oh. I thought it was the stuff they used ... you know those little packages you get in your suitcase--

TWANG: No, no. It's just a binder.

Deuce: Oh. Okay. Have you ever heard of a band called Transvision Vamp? They have a song called "Twangy Wig-Out." We were wondering if there's any connection.

TWANG: No, sir.

Deuce: No?

TWANG: Would you like me to send you an order form?

Deuce: Oh, that would be great! Do you only sell it in Texas?

TWANG: No sir, we sell it, we sell it all over the United States.

Deuce: 'Cos I'm in Arizona. I've never seen it out here.

TWANG: Okay, well I can send you an order form.

Deuce: That would be great!

TWANG: Okay, what's your name & number. Er, name & address.

Deuce: [Address junk, blah, blah, &c., &c.]

TWANG: Okay, I'll send you an order form.

Deuce: That. Is. GREAT!

TWANG: And, uh, then you can, uh, you can, uh, you can send us a check and we'll ship it out to ya as soon as, as soon as we receive the check.

Deuce: How much does that cost?

TWANG: Uh, hang on & let me get an order form. Hang on just a second, okay? [... dum dee dum dee dum dee ...]

TWANG: Okay.

Deuce: I'm reading some lyrics to this "Twangy Wig-Out." One of them is "Art is the Mind set free." I'm thinking, hey, maybe those truckers are RIGHT!

TWANG: [Laughs] Okay, we have the Lemon-Lime packets, 250 per box @ $12.50 per box.

Deuce: How many in a box?

TWANG: 250.

Deuce: Wow!

TWANG: 250 little packets.

Deuce: Holy smoke! Yeah, we just ran into these things all over! I mean, we drove all the way to Houston, so we went clear across Texas, and we just kept seeing these, and we've never seen them before. And we didn't see them in New Mexico or here.

TWANG: Well, this letter, hopefully, y'know, when you get this order form, you could talk to your grocer & see if he can't, uh, deal with us & we'll--

Deuce: That would be GREAT!

TWANG: --deal direct with, uh, with your, uh, local merchant.

Deuce: That's TERRIFIC!

TWANG: So I'll get this order form for ya in the mail today.

Deuce: Do you ever eat the stuff, yourself?

TWANG: Uh, I put it on salads, and, and, soups, chicken, and fish.

Deuce: What's your preferred flavor?

TWANG: Oh, uh, just the Lemon-Lime. I, I'm not a ... I haven't tried, I've tried the Chili, on popcorn, but that's about it.

Deuce: I only tried the Lemon-Lime. I was afraid to try the other ones.

TWANG: Oh, no. All three of them are great!

Deuce: One guy got hooked on the Pickle, though. He liked that.

TWANG: Uh-oh. I heard the Pickle is good on pickles.

Deuce: On pickles?

TWANG: On pickles.

Deuce: What would be the point of that?

TWANG: I guess ... soup it up, I guess!

Deuce: [Can't help it, breaks out laughing]

TWANG: I don't know, instead of sugar rush, get a salt rush.

Deuce: Okay, well, we'll have to try that!


Postscript
11 May 1997, 11:15pm MST
Wow. The order form arrived Saturday. Prompt, those TWANGers.
This was in the upper right corner of the order form. Hmmm. Huh?
(Detour to Deuce's Unofficial TWANG page.)



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