To Deuce of Clubs index page

Those Unbelievable Believers:
The Blessed Sounds of
Incredible Christian Song Demos

Introduction
Treasures in Heaven
Hot Summer Nights
That's Peculiar!
I Am A Man; What Does That Mean?
Jesus Is About to "Rap" This Up
Oh Lord (Intro)
O Nightingale
Awr Gawd Izz An Awrsum Gawd
We Are the Champions (of God)
His Eye Is on the Sparrow
Christ in Me Is To Live
Chock Full of Love
Satan, You Lost, Lost, Lost
Soul Saved Tonight
Amazing Grace
We Want to Fish for Men
God, Give the Devil the Measles
Holy Jerusalem
Come Back, America!
The Safe Sex Is Just a Fantasy Rap
Want More of a Tangy Yangy Yang
Thank You, God

 

Totally how another crazy piece of religious music got started

Those Unbelievable Believers:
The Blessed Sounds of
Incredible Christian Song Demos

Brought to you by Deuce of Clubs

#05 — Big A, "Jesus Is 'Bout to `Rap' This Up" (3:20)

Here's lil' Big A to say "whassup" and "break it down," but not "get busy y'all"—'cos this is a religious rap, after all.

(Yo, check me, I was rappin' just then, did you catch it? Rhymin'.)

Q U I Z T I M E !

With "Jesus Is 'Bout to `Rap' This Up," Big A delivers what might be the whitest rap since:

a) Rappin' Rodney Dangerfield
b) Me, two sentences ago
c) Kanye West

The answer is d) All of the above, but especially c).
Because, did you see Kanye when Barbara Walters put him on the spot to freestyle? Starting with something like, "Come on Barbara Wal-ters! / You know I won't fal-ter! / Jesus walked / He took me to the altar / And I can talk to any reporter / Turn on your recorder?"

And then from that low, low point still managing to fall-ter into an even deeper Grand Canyon? Backwards? Dude. You faltered. Don't front.

Q U I Z T I M E !

Kanye West's freestyle on the Barbara Walters program couldn't have been weaker, even if it had been performed by:

a) Barbara Walters herself
b) Me
c) Blondie

The answer is c) Blondie, who did the first lame rap about the Rapture. But unlike Deborah Harry's, Big A's lame rap about the Rapture is serious. Annnnnd...seriously white. Which is weird, because, I'm not sure, but I think "Big A" might be black. Possibly he is just bored, like Dee from What's Happening!!

But Big A gets big ups for workin' a sophisticated triple entendre involving the idiom wrap it up, in a rap music style, in a song about the RAPture. Quadruple, if you count the "That's a wrap" at the end. All over a repetitive, Schoolhouse Rock noodling piano riff. Whaddup!

Until I find out otherwise, which I fully expect to, I'm going to proceed on the assumption that "Jesus Is 'Bout to `Rap' This Up" is not juvenilia from Kanye West himself. Even so, rap-ture, be pure, take a tour of this lilywhite Rapture rap from Kanye-West-alike, Big A:

(Right-click to download this song)

Whassup?
Break it down!
Whip me up a lil' sumpin' sumpin'.
Check THIS out!

My name's Big A and I'm here to say
JC's comin' back real soon
Not sure of the time, not sure of the day
Could be . . . this Thursday at noon
One thing's for sure, one thing I know, one thing is definitely true
When he blows the whistle, G-O-D says Go
This'll be wrapped up, see ya, see you
(Or will I?)
(Or will I?)

Said, my name's Big A and I'm here to say
G-O-D's gonna pull the plug
When he puts his hand, when he grabs ahold
You better not be standin' on that rug
Better sprout those wings, better fly to soar
Rapture-ready's what you should be

He's 'bout to Rap this up, 'bout to tie the knot
Keep his promise to come and get me
What about you?
(What about you?)

He's 'bout to Rap this up, He's 'bout to Rap this up
He's 'bout to Rap this whole thing up
He's 'bout to Rap this up, He's 'bout to Rap this up
He's 'bout to Rap this whole thing up
(What up wit DAT?)
[Repeat a whole bunch of times]

That's a wrap! Word.

Treasures in Heaven (Intro)Hot Summer NightsThat's Peculiar!I Am A Man; What Does That Mean?Jesus Is About to "Rap" This UpOh Lord (Intro) O NightingaleAwr Gawd Izz An Awrsum GawdWe Are the Champions (of God)His Eye Is on the SparrowChrist in Me Is To LiveChock Full of LoveSatan, You Lost, Lost, LostSoul Saved TonightAmazing GraceWe Want to Fish for MenGod, Give the Devil the MeaslesHoly JerusalemCome Back, America!The Safe Sex Is Just a Fantasy RapWant More of a Tangy Yangy YangThank You, God

Totally how another crazy piece of religious music got started

To Deuce of Clubs