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Incredible Christian Song Demos

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Totally how another crazy piece of religious music got started

Those Unbelievable Believers:
The Blessed Sounds of
Incredible Christian Song Demos

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#05 — Big A, "Jesus Is 'Bout to `Rap' This Up" (3:20)

Here's lil' Big A to say "whassup" and "break it down," but not "get busy y'all"—'cos this is a religious rap, after all.

(Yo, check me, I was rappin' just then, did you catch it? Rhymin'.)

Q U I Z T I M E !

With "Jesus Is 'Bout to `Rap' This Up," Big A delivers what might be the whitest rap since:

a) Rappin' Rodney Dangerfield
b) Me, two sentences ago
c) Kanye West

The answer is d) All of the above, but especially c).
Because, did you see Kanye when Barbara Walters put him on the spot to freestyle? Starting with something like, "Come on Barbara Wal-ters! / You know I won't fal-ter! / Jesus walked / He took me to the altar / And I can talk to any reporter / Turn on your recorder?"

And then from that low, low point still managing to fall-ter into an even deeper Grand Canyon? Backwards? Dude. You faltered. Don't front.

Q U I Z T I M E !

Kanye West's freestyle on the Barbara Walters program couldn't have been weaker, even if it had been performed by:

a) Barbara Walters herself
b) Me
c) Blondie

The answer is c) Blondie, who did the first lame rap about the Rapture. But unlike Deborah Harry's, Big A's lame rap about the Rapture is serious. Annnnnd...seriously white. Which is weird, because, I'm not sure, but I think "Big A" might be black. Possibly he is just bored, like Dee from What's Happening!!

But Big A gets big ups for workin' a sophisticated triple entendre involving the idiom wrap it up, in a rap music style, in a song about the RAPture. Quadruple, if you count the "That's a wrap" at the end. All over a repetitive, Schoolhouse Rock noodling piano riff. Whaddup!

Until I find out otherwise, which I fully expect to, I'm going to proceed on the assumption that "Jesus Is 'Bout to `Rap' This Up" is not juvenilia from Kanye West himself. Even so, rap-ture, be pure, take a tour of this lilywhite Rapture rap from Kanye-West-alike, Big A:

(Right-click to download this song)

Break it down!
Whip me up a lil' sumpin' sumpin'.
Check THIS out!

My name's Big A and I'm here to say
JC's comin' back real soon
Not sure of the time, not sure of the day
Could be . . . this Thursday at noon
One thing's for sure, one thing I know, one thing is definitely true
When he blows the whistle, G-O-D says Go
This'll be wrapped up, see ya, see you
(Or will I?)
(Or will I?)

Said, my name's Big A and I'm here to say
G-O-D's gonna pull the plug
When he puts his hand, when he grabs ahold
You better not be standin' on that rug
Better sprout those wings, better fly to soar
Rapture-ready's what you should be

He's 'bout to Rap this up, 'bout to tie the knot
Keep his promise to come and get me
What about you?
(What about you?)

He's 'bout to Rap this up, He's 'bout to Rap this up
He's 'bout to Rap this whole thing up
He's 'bout to Rap this up, He's 'bout to Rap this up
He's 'bout to Rap this whole thing up
(What up wit DAT?)
[Repeat a whole bunch of times]

That's a wrap! Word.

Totally how another crazy piece of religious music got started

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