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Those Unbelievable Believers:
The Blessed Sounds of
Incredible Christian Song Demos

Introduction
Treasures in Heaven
Hot Summer Nights
That's Peculiar!
I Am A Man; What Does That Mean?
Jesus Is About to "Rap" This Up
Oh Lord (Intro)
O Nightingale
Awr Gawd Izz An Awrsum Gawd
We Are the Champions (of God)
His Eye Is on the Sparrow
Christ in Me Is To Live
Chock Full of Love
Satan, You Lost, Lost, Lost
Soul Saved Tonight
Amazing Grace
We Want to Fish for Men
God, Give the Devil the Measles
Holy Jerusalem
Come Back, America!
The Safe Sex Is Just a Fantasy Rap
Want More of a Tangy Yangy Yang
Thank You, God

 

Totally how another crazy piece of religious music got started

Those Unbelievable Believers:
The Blessed Sounds of
Incredible Christian Song Demos

Brought to you by Deuce of Clubs

#15 — "Amazing Grace" (3:13)

I hope you're listening to this version of "Amazing Grace" the next time there's no one around and you need the Heimlich Maneuver. If you're listening to it now, you're probably gagging already. As the bile rises, pay special attention to the intonation this sultry gospel singer deploys to deliver her song introduction. My guess is that for her day job she's either a tour guide or she performs phone sex for the highly undemanding. If not, she's got to be a locksmith, 'cos she changes keys with wanton disregard. (Zingerrrrr!)

I do love how she's not afraid to freestyle the classics or just plain not bother to learn the words. Below I've provided a side-by-side comparison, for those who are to be congratulated for having successfully avoided both church services and cop funerals.

(Right-click to download this song)

From the time I was five years old, I knew I wanted to be a successful singer. Today I still consider this my main goal. My career objective is to be a successful solo singer, music recording artist, and also work in the show business industries. I am looking into becoming a lead or backup vocalist for a band and famous vocalist artist. This a capella demo cassette tape is to give you an idea of how my singing voice sounds like. I hope you like it. Puh-leeeeeese enjoy it. And I thank you very much for your time. Thank you.

Table 1.1 — How to fuck up a classic hymn

Reformed former slave trader way:

Wrong-Way Feldman way:

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found;
Was blind, but now I see.

Amazing grace, how sweet it sounds
That saved a wretch like thee
I once was lost, but now I am found
Was blind, but now I see

When we've been there
Ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun.

Since Jesus has been there
Ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We want to know that Jesus is comin' back
Mmm-hmmm
Mmmmm-hmmmmmmm
Ohhh-hooooo
Oooooo-hoooooo
Ooooo-hoooo

 

Treasures in Heaven (Intro)Hot Summer NightsThat's Peculiar!I Am A Man; What Does That Mean?Jesus Is About to "Rap" This UpOh Lord (Intro) O NightingaleAwr Gawd Izz An Awrsum GawdWe Are the Champions (of God)His Eye Is on the SparrowChrist in Me Is To LiveChock Full of LoveSatan, You Lost, Lost, LostSoul Saved TonightAmazing GraceWe Want to Fish for MenGod, Give the Devil the MeaslesHoly JerusalemCome Back, America!The Safe Sex Is Just a Fantasy RapWant More of a Tangy Yangy YangThank You, God

Totally how another crazy piece of religious music got started

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