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Why Did This Happen to Me?

This is the comforting pamphlet the U.S. government offers U.S. citizens in compensation for having had both clothes and dignity stripped away and the inner workings of their backsides probed.

According to the party line, the U.S. Customs Service ("Service" -- ha! Like a bull "services" a cow, maybe.) is "committed to helping the traveling public enter and leave the United States with the least possible inconvenience."

This assumes that you consider it convenient to have your privates examined by strangers.

The pamphlet is said to have been previously issued under the titles, "How Come It Hurts Back There?" and "Who Exactly Gave You the Right to Look Up My Ass, Buster?"

Further documentation