(Got a question not answered here? Ask us.)

Hola. ¿Como estas?
estamos muy bien, gracias!
How many of you work on Deuce of Clubs?
there are many cooks working on this porridge. even more, if you count the voices in our heads.
Why is the site called "Deuce of Clubs?"
there is a place called show low, arizona. it was once smaller (pop. ca. 1,200), but like the rest of arizona, it's filling up with Q-tips (white-haired retirees, usually from iowa or wisconsin) who come here to die, but not before hopelessly clogging their arteries and our roadways. and our buffets, too, dammit. anyway, show low's most salient feature is the deuce of clubs -- you can hardly take two steps in show low without seeing some reference to it. it seems that in the 1800s there was a land dispute on a ranch shared by two ranchers, clark and cooley. they decided one of them had to go. but they were not barbarians. they could have settled the matter by some crueller means, such as a duel or its western analog, the gunfight. but being men of refined intellect, they agreed to draw cards. said clark to cooley, "if you can show low, you win." cooley promptly drew the deuce of clubs, lowest value card in the deck. displaying the card to clark, cooley said, "show low it is!" therefore the town is named show low, and the main drag through town is called deuce of clubs.

related side note: "deuce of clubs" used to be a boys' reformitory slang phrase meaning "to use both fists."

also a manhattan slang term for the seedy 42nd street area

marginally related side note:
snowflake, a town near show low, was not named after a snow flake, but rather after its two founders, mr. snow and mr. flake. improbable, but true. (strangely, the phone book shows few listings for snow, but plenty of flakes. best snowflake name: "Jake Flake.") we like to use snowflake as a bar bet -- it's been good for lots of drinks. (but proof is usually demanded--a book will do, but one can also call the az historical society, if one is drinking during the business hours of the day.) typically we'll offer the sucker a chance to get even, offering to bet double or nothing that show low was named after two guys, mr. show and mr. low. we've never had a taker.

even more marginal side note: snowflake has a street called full house lane. that is not a good bar bet.

(now if you want to know about a really bizarre little town, ask us about doing time in coolidge, the town featured in kathryn bigelow's cool noir vampire film Near Dark)

How do you spell "Deuce?"
correctly. how do you spell it?
What's with the lower-case hangup? e e cummings fan, are ya?
rms makes the shift key a pain in the wrists. we deal with the pain. you deal with the lower-case.
Wasn't Mussolini called "El Deuce"?
What is that wild font you're wearing?
you refer, of course, to the low-tech font at the top of this page. it is called "do not bend," was a collaborative effort between deuce of clubs and the fine folks at Cardhouse, and is available for hundreds of american dollars.
What's the story behind the sayings on the left side of the home page?
click 'em & find out.
Did you make this site to "get girls?"
why? think it would work?
Damn! Did [X], that thing you write about on your site, did that really happen?
strange life renders invention superfluous.
Are you artists?
does it make a difference if we say yes?
I'd like to hire you. How do I go about it?
you pay half now, and the rest after the hit.
I don't need a contract killer. I want to hire you to [X].
that's different. contact us & we'll talk. making money's something we just don't do nearly enough of.
Good God, who's this Wagner guy spattered all over your website?
dead composer.
Sure. But how does that explain why you take pictures of his statue?
who said it did?
Yes. Well?
Can you conceive of a satisfactory answer to that question? If you think of one, fill us in, will you? then we can make a separate FAQ exclusively about wagner.
Where could I get myself a similar bust of Wagner? I'd take pictures and send them to you. The immortality of Wagner must spread globally, and this is more convenient with two heads.
hmm ... don't know about wagner's immortality. his immorality, on the other hand, is well known. as to locating another wagner bust, iit's hit-or-miss. there is a fake wagner bust. he is thought to be evil.
How's this for a new Midway game: instead of ducks, rows and rows of tiny Wagners?
we like it. in fact, wagner's on his way to your house right now to ... to ... uh, to, y'now, check things out, or something. (get out of the house! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!)
What do you do for a living that you can travel, build art cars, eat Twang, create web sites, and write letters to cardinals? Are you the heirs to some vast fortune?
we are asked this a lot. we are not rich. although one of our great-grandfathers did once own much of what is now wickenburg, arizona. not that that does us any damn good at this point.
Say, how do you bring in the bucks and still have time to regularly keep up your website? And how can I get into that line of work anyway? Perhaps you work for the post office. Just guessing.
'Obtiens ai demandé à ceci par sort que je ne suis pas un manuel riche bien que mon grand-grand-père ait par le passé possédé beaucoup de ce qui est maintenant wickenburg, l'Arizona pas que cela me fait bon fichu en ce moment.
How can you spend so much time on a website and still put food on the table?
"No, YOU must be Don Francisco's sister."
How do you make money for food?
for food, we work as doctors. now, for rent, we make money by being lawyers. and if we want to see a movie, we have to be stockbrokers.

we lead complicated lives. and we don't go to the movies much.

What is your day job?
all right, people, let's move ON, shall we?
Hey I am trying to learn to make a gum wrapper ring. It seems I am not the only one with the idea to use it for an engagement ring. If you know how to make them, I would appreciate you telling me how.
if you can't make a gum wrapper ring, you're way too stupid, even for matrimony.
Do you still call the phonebooth?
no. the chances are too good these days that someone will answer.
You didn't *really* burn a classic Whipped Cream album at Burning Man, did you?)
yes. yes, we did. twice. No, three times. No, four (documentation of burning man 99 to follow in due course).
Why are you so obsessed with Wagner?
did we not already cover this satisfactorily?
Do you get many angry emails from the Chosen?
nuts are always finding fault with our interest in amy grant's mandible, kolob, 666 cough syrup, godfried danneels, sign person, criswell, &c. &c. &c.
I have just started cruising the web for information on the spiritual gift of tongues. I had the most unusual experience of having a friend speak in an old beautiful language and being able to interpret the message that she spoke - as if it were Spanish or French - but it wasn't. This was at a prayer meeting, and no alcohol was involved (just kidding). The whole event has changed my life -- but something in it was so BIG -- I have done lots of research at the public library/Christian book store to find out about this ANGELIC language -- any comments?

NOTE: I vaguely remember in one of Streiber's books (I think it was Transformation) that a Mr. Keane (no relation to me) mentioned this heavenly language -----

streiber was probably talking about the so-called "enochian" language. don't screw with it.

as for tongues, check the used bookshops for:

  • enthusiasm, by ronald knox
  • the psychology of speaking in tongues, by john p. kildahl
  • the modern tongues movement, by robert g. gromacki
  • i once spoke in tongues, by wayne a. robinson
  • war on the saints, by jesse penn-lewis
as for keane, perhaps it is the same keane who painted those big-eyed kids in the 60s & 70s.

or maybe just the goof who draws the abominable "family circus"

I forgot to check for the Wagner episode of Space Ghost. Did I miss it?
Do you have any suggestions on how I could find out Wagner's hat size? I tried to try on one of his hats in Wahnfried, but they threw me out. This is not a joke. I really want to know.
wagner had a reputation for having a peculiarly large head -- we're talking skull here, not ego, though that was exceptionally large, too. it isn't clear whether his head was large compared to other peoples' heads or whether it just looked large on his comparatively tiny body.

you might try asking one of the wagner societies. they live for that sort of information.

i ask that you be honest here: was w reeeeelly interviewed for space ghost or am i reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelly stoopid? (honestly)
you can't afford the evaluation fee.
What does "hochste lust" mean?
"highest bliss" (the final two words of tristan und isolde).

Marginally more personal questions...