! 1996dec25 gd>
|Who on earth is Matt Gerson?|
Wait. Did I say "film critic"?
How dismissive that must sound to anyone who's ever heard even a snippet of a Matt Gerson review. No, no, no. A Matt Gerson review isn't your typical movie review--it doesn't consist merely of a capsule summary of the movie, followed by the offensive strewing about of shallow opinion on the part of some snooty, hyper-informed "critic."
Again I say: no, no, no.
No, a Matt Gerson review contains no less than Matt Gerson's SOUL. This is a man who cares about movies. This is a man who's not afraid to show you he cares about movies. This is a man who's not afraid to empty his thesaurus of adjectives, pile nouns on top of one another, and link dependent clauses together in trains longer than any ever joined by Southern Pacific. This is a man who's not afraid to indulge in the purplest prose since Lord Bulwer-Lytton.
Nope. No fear here. This is Matt Gerson country.
Gerson is a true original. Nothing he does is ordinary. For example: film critics like to rate movies with cutesy little nouns: thumbs, roses, noses, whatever. Matt gives this tradition a strange twist: he awards a film from one to five Angles. No, not angels--Angles. Why? No clue. (Five Angles makes a pentagon--maybe he works for the government.)
What does Matt Gerson sound like?
Well, have you ever heard the guy reading the prose of Francis E. Dec, Esquire on the Psychic TV CD Ultrahouse: The LA Connection?
("I stand alone against your mad deadly worldwide conspiratorial gangster computer-god communism, with wall-to-wall deadly gangster protection, lifelong sworn conspirators murder incorporated organized crime the police and judges...using all the gangster deadly frankenstein controls...trick, trap, rob, wreck, butcher, and murder the people to keep them terrorized in gangster frankenstein earphone radio slavery!")
No, huh? Okay, then--here's a small sample of Gerson himself (180k), anyway. I wish I could afford to provide a RealAudio feed so you could hear these gems instead of reading them. (They almost make too much sense when you read them.) Try to keep the sound & feel of this sample in your mind as you read the greatness that is Gerson.
Important Note: This is a site of unofficial adoration. The participation and/or consent of Matt Gerson, Esq., KXAM, their lawyers, family members, neighbors, pets, or vintage match cover collections, is not intended to be expressed, implied, or inferred. (But everyone loves to be appreciated, don't they?)
|No way, this guy scares me! Take me back to||Deuce|