To Deuce of Clubs index page Autographed copies of Adventures with the Mojave Phone Booth are now available!

Autographed copies of Adventures with the Mojave Phone Booth are now available!

From: Joel B.
Subject: A complete list of city names...
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2005

Any idea how or where I can get a list of all city names in the United States? I can get lists for cities above 100,000 in population but need something that goes down to 10,000. Thanks in advance.

a google search on the phrase "u.s. cities" brings up:
yes. my genius is UNPARALLELED.
regards from your google middleman, doc

Date: Mon, 17 Oct 2005
From: Imani H.
Subject: Paper towel rolls

Hey there, was searching the web for "paper towel rolls" and came upon your website. Believe it or not, I AM looking for at least 100 paper towel rolls. I am attempting to start a new venture, and since I'm attempting to "pinch the head off of a penny", I have to save money wherever I can. Soooooo if you are able help me, I would greatly appreciate it.

I read your disclaimer, and I'm willing to take any abuse you care to send my way. Just let me know if you have access to 100 paper towel rolls and the cost of sending them to Georgia....

if i have the rolls and the cost? my mark had to pay five bucks . . . you want me to pay to send you 100 paper towel tubes? maybe the confusion is understandable, but i run an amy grant's mandible website, not amy grant's three wishes tv show.
(how's that for abuse?)

'cause believe it or not, I do need them, plus the mailing tubes are just too expensive. I just can't see buying a "ga-zillion" unnecessary paper towels, taking out the tube, and then giving the paper towels away, 'cause I only need the tubes. ThanX again, and looking forward to hearing from you ..... by the way "interesting site" ..... Imani

the paper towel roll prank was 6 & a half years ago. the rolls are long gone (along with most of the rest of my stuff, actually).
but you should totally try amy grant. the granting of a 100 paper towel roll wish would warm the heart of america!

Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2005
From: Luke Allen H.

If I remember correctly, you had a semi-humorous quote on your site by Shaq about his rapping career. Am I remember correctly? If so, where, or what is it?

If I am not, I am forever sorry for wasting your time.

lucky i have it; forever would have been over-commensurate.

Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2005
From: David C.
Subject: Re: Lori Petty

Hey Deuce,

Just finished reading an article about Lori Petty, I was lucky enough to be an extra on the Bates Motel movie and her and I hit it off really well. Well enough for us to see each other a few times. We lost contact and I would really like to reconnect. So, if you could, if you would, forward my email address to her or have her contact me.

I appreciate any and all assistance you may be able to provide in an effort for us to reconnect.

i was at a loss for a response, so i wrote to ann landers, who sometimes guest-writes over at cardhouse & here's what ann had to say:
Okay ... (A) you (DoC) talk to Lori Petty all the time of course (B) Bates Motel - 1987. That's umm, almost 20 years ago we're talking about. So. I'm not really good with matters of the heart, but I'm going to venture a guess that she dated this guy a few times, and wasn't interested. I mean, if "lost contact" had meant _last month_ or something ... okay. But 18 years ago???? Put a stick about? If it's 18 years, either you're really lazy, or you didn't give much of a fudge, or the lady doesn't want to re-see you.
Ann Landers
PS: I have this script I've been noodling with, if you could forward that to Lori ... or hell, Amy ...

Date: Sun, 09 Oct 2005
From: NonDairy_Creamer
Subject: Berkeley Parade Veget Aryan pics


I really loved the Veget Aryan and related pics. Do you know what I can get full-resolution scans of those photos?

por que?

Also do you know of any other people who were there that might have photos?


como billy el cabrito dijo, "quien es?"

Date: Tue, 4 Oct 2005
From: Jean H.
Subject: Phone Booth commercial etc.

More on Beverly Hillbillies. Important . . . to me. Max Baer Jr. aka Jethro in 2006 will start building Jethro's Beverly Hillbillies Mansion and Casino in Carson City, Nevada. I could tell you about the spectacular plans for this casino but you may not be as intensely interested as I am.

who's not interested in JETHRO??

You can check out their website if you want to see the great things planned. Hope I live long enough to be standing in front of the Oil Derrick and have a drink at Granny's White Lightnin' Bar. Yesterday, looking in the TV guide I saw a movie "The Prizefighter and the Lady" starring Myrna Loy and Max Baer, 1933. I thought Jethro can't be that old and he's not because the actor was his father Max Baer, Sr. Max Sr. was a world heavyweight boxing champion, back when that sort of thing was popular, and actor. Watched part of the movie to see Jethro's dad and glad I didn't miss a hyper Busby Berkeley type musical part. Bizarre number with show girls preparing with him for a fight. Frenzied dance steps from this movie were copied later in "Reefer Madness".

oh, man. good one.

Was in San Louis Obispo a few months ago for a college graduation. Michael Jackson's trial was going on in a nearby town. Went to ask his devoted fans who had their own Michael Jackson artwork if they knew if their pop star known for Thriller was ever painted by a killer. But nobody was interested in discussing art history. They were on a mission to defend. The jury was deliberating so they were especially fired up. I felt like I was on a new planet watching four types of aliens thrown together trying to co exist. There were Michael fans with their We Love You Michael stuff. A lot of news reporters wearing suits either in their cyclone fenced area or interviewing fans. A woman fan wearing a Michael Jackson t-shirt was flipping off reporters. Mad because she felt they were insinuating guilt in their reporting. Religious nuts with signs like "Homo Sex is Sin" "America: Execute all Homosexual Pedophiles Right Now ! - Leviticus 20:13 arguing with the Michael fans. The Michael fans trying to silence the Jesus fans by shouting them down. One guy shouting "Myyy-Kal !! then the rest of the fans shouting "Inn - o - Cent" ! And there were cops, some looking bored, some watching or talking to people. One cop I heard say to another cop " I don't want to bring anybody into this world. People don't like each other". Well yes, especially when that world consists of Michael Jackson fans, Jesus freaks, reporters and cops. When we got back to our expensive because of graduation hotel room that night a reporter on tv said outside the courthouse reminded him of the bar scene from Star Wars. I haven't seen that movie in years but as I recalled, it was different alien types all in a bar. I thought that's pretty much was what it was like. Felt funny being there at the courthouse - voyeuristic. But too bad no answer about Bundy painting from any of the Jackologists.

jackologists. splendid coinage.

Joined a Serial Killer discussion group on Yahoo but none of them knew if Bundy painted.

A month or so we went on a day road trip. Came across the town of Cloverdale fortunately during their "Black Bart Days".

black bart ruled. when i was a kid, i thought it would be nifty to be like black bart. except for the part about having his laundry done. if he'd done his own laundry, he might never have been caught.

A festival with the usual music, food, crafts, art and all that. Black Bart was a popular enough to have a festival named after him stage coach robber. Not popular though with Well Fargo Bank because he would steal from them but not the passengers. One of the booths at the Black Bart Days had a postcard for a winery on the coast in Northern California. In the corner of the postcard was a sketch of a guy in a phone booth with the caption "In Boonville, a phone is called a "Buckey Walter" any resident would be happy to tell you why". So went to Boonville and stopped at a wine tasting place and asked employee if there was a Buckey Walter around I could use. She asked if I was going to make a local call. Said I didn't need to make a call and wanted to know why phones are called Buckey Walters. She explained the town had their own language developed in the late 1800s. To amuse themselves Boonvillians made up words and the language stuck.

that. is so. COOL.

The locals also enjoyed speaking their language to talk about and confuse strangers. Went to Buckhorn Saloon for lunch and asked a couple employees where I could use a Buckey Walter. They told me where the nearest phone was and same story. Buckey Walter is part of their language. The town is old, about five blocks long. There are three old Buckey Walter booths on the main drag with signs that say Bucky Walter on the phone booths. I took down the phone number of one of the booths and tried to call but keep getting busy signal. I wonder if on some phones incoming calls can be blocked. Later . . . tried again and got through but hung up because I didn't know what to say. Now I wish I got all three phone booth numbers and make them ring at the same time, same time of day, and create maybe some kind of folk lore something or other.

From: Heather M.
Subject: casual inebriation
Date: Fri, 30 Sep 2005

"So it's critical that the casual inebriation and relaxed morality of Burning Man should in no way be allowed to disturb the alcohol-fueled gambling and whoring that goes on in Reno—these selfless civic activities finance Reno's school districts. It's for the children, people."

I am sitting here eating my yucky low-fat plain yogurt with cocoa powder and stevia -- casually, nonchalantly. I just finished reading your piece. Now that shit's up my nose. Thanks a lot.

that's probably the second highest result i could hope for, next to hearing about the site chewing up work time.

You are such a great writer! LOVE IT. Keep on truckin', Bro.

muchisimas gracias. maybe sometime i'll write something that catches you eating wasabi.

From: Ian
Date: Tue, 20 Sep 2005

enjoy your wagnerian site. Did wagner have a sense of humour?

if he didn't, he's bound to now.

Date: Mon, 19 Sep 2005
From: Juan M.

the pissclear article was much fun. kudos. "toolshed hegemony" is a gem, as was your differentiation between actual and genuine self-expression vs. corporate "xtreme" hokum--which, speaking of, have you read Thomas Franks's The Conquest of Cool? It's a neat exploration of advertising's use of rebellion as sales pitch.

Date: Sat, 20 Aug 2005
From: Gary <>
Subject: Excellent constitution

Excellent constitution. The only change I would make is in number 4 to require ID numbers and photo cards, otherwise you will be flooded with hispanic invaders insurgents who will destroy your island and be too ignorant to learn your language.

i presume that your comment refers to oceania, the proposed manmade island that was the goal of the atlantis project. it went the way of most efforts that aim at freedom. which is to say, bust.
your use of english ("hispanic invaders insurgents") makes it a little difficult to divine your footing for criticizing that of others, particularly those for whom english is a second language.
in light of your messages posted elsewhere, it's only natural to wonder which of the western gods might have inspired such deplorable bigotry.
nevertheless, a not-so-hearty buenos dias from
-- senor doc
(p.s. -- photo identification methods are nearly useless, by the way. check out the end of this piece, for example)

Date: Fri, 19 Aug 2005
From: Michael Kronenwetter

You seem to have misunderstood my intents in The War on Terrorism. Oh, well --

Michael Kronenwetter

greetings, mr. k
good to hear from you. i'm always happy to bear correction (as long as you bear in mind that what we're running here is basically a humor site, albeit an angry, cranky, and mean-spirited one).
p.s. -- i already had one kronenwetter correction
update, 2006: and now another

Date: Tue, 12 Jul 2005
From: jess
Subject: photo

Subject: help
Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005
From: Madeline T.

My name is Madeline and i am a student at Brooks Institute of Photography. I am doing a documentary on the integratron and would like to speak with Van Tassel's son in law.
Thank You
Madeline T.

hello there, madeline. clearly, you've landed on the page that talks about my visit to the integratron back in 1997. i don't know why it ranks fifth place at google for the search term integratron, but i'm not complaining. another thing i don't know is any way to help you. i don't know (there i go again) which of van tassel's sons-in-law you mean, daniel boone or mister grumpy, but i haven't seen either of them in eight years and saw the both of them only that one time.
you might try contacting the goofy people who currently own the integratron. in 1997 misters boone & grumpy both lived on properties adjoining the "acoustically perfect tabernacle sited on a powerful geomagnetic vortex in the magical Mojave Desert" (as the integratron website says). maybe they still do, and are receptive to messages.
alternatively, a psychic call to the space brothers may be necessary.
yours in rejuvenation,

Subject: help
Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005
From: Madeline T.

Thank you so much for responding so quickly. I would be interested in interviewing you about your experience at the integratron and with the sons in laws. I would like to know what you think of the integratron and its healing properties.
Thank You,

we didn't go into the integratron. we didn't get nearer than the fence around it. at the time, it was dormant. or something.
re: its healing properties . . . if it really worked, there would be thousands of people trying to crowd into it.
and even if there were thousands of people trying to crowd into it, that wouldn't prove that it worked. look at lourdes, regarding which i'll quote anatole france for the coincidental second time on this page, on its stack of crutches left behind by allegedly healed cripples:
"hrmm . . . no wooden legs."
which is to say, if the integratron or lourdes or benny hinn really could heal people, it would be ridiculously simple to prove it.
yours in the not believing so much in the rejuvenation,

From: Finney
Date: Thu, 11 Aug 2005
Subject: Re: It's Reynold's OR Reynolds' NOT Reynolds's!

Check your spelling, or grammar, if you are going to be calling someone a dumb ass!

okay. i have checked my spelling and grammar.
"reynolds's" is meant to be slightly comical, you humorless troll. (only slightly. i make no large comic claims for my apostrophes.)
so . . . why did you type "Burt Reynolds" + ass into google, anyhow? ya perv!
or are you one of the shockingly large number of people direct-linking burt reynolds's's's's ass?
imagine! an AOLer trying to play at being smart. my, what *will* they think of next?
(btw, under *no* circumstances would "Reynold's" be correct. is his name "Reynold"?)

touchy. i was looking for his 1972 bare ass puzzle. it was on the tonight show the other night. you throw insults at me, yet, i'm the one who is humorless?

you watch the tonight show and search for naked burt reynolds puzzles and i'm supposed to detect a sense of humor?
only humoring you,

you got me on that one!

(now you're gettin' it. . . .)

Date: Tue, 9 Aug 2005
From: Jessica B.
Subject: great memories

Thanks for the posted pictures! I lived in the Phoenix area from 1989-1996, and so many of the pictures were familiar to me. I was only 4 or 5 years old when we moved there so many of my memories of Phoenix and surrounding area were of famous landmarks and architecture, like Mystery Castle, the pots of Squaw Peak Pkwy, Kon-Tiki Hotel, and the Frank Lloyd Wright designs of ASU, which of course you had pictures of. All I gotta say is, thanks. It was great seeing that stuff again since its been years.

glad to be of service. not glad that the kon-tiki was torn down. win some, lose the rest. y'know.
(speaking of which, what a loser format that's in. i think it's one of the first HTML things i did, when i knew even less about it than i do now.)

From: gary bear
Subject: GARY BEAR / Sugarbush
Date: Tue, 09 Aug 2005

Found a posting online that refers back to a Club Congress show where I (GARY BEAR) and another band, SUGARBUSH, opened for Daniel Johnston. It's the posting with the picture of the signed cassette and coin wrap.

It asked about the other band SUGARBUSH. They are no longer together, although various members are involved in various other projects.

i wondered why their website had disappeared. i did briefly correspond with kee.

However, a friend of mine live taped that show and I'm pretty sure I can get a copy of that recording to you.

Let me know.


that would be full of awesomeness & the like, thank you.
i'm not sure whether you've made the connection, but we met recently: at the bob log show at plush. i was the gent with the monkey bellydancing friend.

Nope, never made that connection.
[Simiana] was really nice. Even without that distraction I don't think I would have known in million years that that was you.

From: Katie H.
Subject: something for 'super amusive play'
Date: Fri, 5 Aug 2005

Hi DoC,

I love your website. Thanks so much for exposing Arizona in all of its weirdness.

an exposed arizona is a weird arizona. i'm going to trademark the phrase "WEIRD WHATEVER YOU WANT" and try selling it to arizona chambers of commerce. or maybe: "ARIZONA: LIGHTFAST!" maybe phoenix's stupid lightrail project could use that one. for those small arizona cities that can't afford to offend tourists in any way: "ARIZONA: NEUTRAL SMELL!"

Recently, I was visiting the Tanque Verde swap meet in South Tucson

that is a good swap meet. that's the last place i saw a coin-grabbing monkey. the organ grinder sucked -- he didn't even grind an organ. but man could that monkey work a crowd. who doesn't love a monkey who can work a crowd?

and bought a huge pack of Sharpies for $2 (which is just amazing to begin with.) I thought that you might be able to use the packaging in your "Super Amusive Play" section.

I'm not sure what "lightfast" means, or how they got some of the commas so wrong, but I thought you might appreciate it.

inept grammar and piratical product marketing always make my day, gracias.

Thanks again and keep up the great work!

gracias, & good luck with tom cruise, katie.

Date: 5 Aug 2005
From: Hermester Barrington

Hello Mr. Deuce of Clubs,

Anyway, I found you via your wonderful website--I'm glad that Wagner (or his simulacrum, at least) is finally being exposed to institutions such as the Museum of Jurassic Technology!

so is he, believe me.

Doubt not, o poet, but persist!

wulll . . . sure thing, then, okay.

Date: Wed, 3 Aug 2005
From: Kerry K.
Subject: yeah right

I dont believe for a second that you saw Jane Goodall. With no pic with Wagner, there's no proof whatsoever.

seriously. jane fucking goodall. babs saw her, too. i mean, she was ten feet from us the whole time. i wanted to tell her that i admired her work & dedication. but without a statue, i just couldn't do it.

From: Welder Barbie
Subject: bat
Date: Tue, 2 Aug 2005

makes you wonder how often that happens!

man. that chick & i could start a having-been-hit-on-the-head-by-a-car-window-entering-bat club

is the world really as screwed as it appears to be?

probably even moreso.

where do you go to find the truth?

the truth is momentarily unavailable. please try your call again later.

From: Tim A.
Subject: capstone talk
Date: Wed, 6 Jul 2005

I read your article on capstone cathedral and had some questions for you.

(actually, i've never written an article about capstone cathedral. just a short blurb & the quotation from someone else.)

1.) Are you saved?
2.) If so, those are not very nice words to say.

the second part's not a question. but since you didn't use your third question, i'll use it:
3.) you say "if so," so -- if i were saved, would that make them nice words to say?
(also, i notice that you work for a *marketing* firm. yipe!. talk about not nice....)

Hey doc,

I didn't mean to offend you in any way.

no worries; i wasn't offended.

I was just letting you know that those words about a church you've never been too are not very nice saved or unsaved.

are the words nice if i *have* been to that church? because i have. i like to look into stuff.

If I have offended you in any way I do apologize it was not my intent.. I just wasn't very happy to read something off that sort on a church I used to attend. What upset me was the fact that you called him a lunatic....

well, if it matters, i wasn't being facetious.
anatole france visted lourdes at the end of the 19th century and, upon seeing a huge pile of crutches supposedly discarded by healed cripples, remarked, "hrmm . . . no wooden legs."
it is my belief that to claim supernatural healing powers, from whatever source, makes one a lunatic.
hochste lust! & best wishes,

Subject: 666 Cough Medicine
Date: Wed, 29 Jun 2005

I fell across your site and started reading about the 666 Cough Med. OMG, how I laughed at it...ALL of IT!

Good work!

muchas gracias. i was in florida recently, but didn't get near jacksonville, or i'd have tried to hoist that bottle of 666 with mr. henry dean iii.

Date: Tue, 28 Jun 2005
From: Adam I
Subject: Jerky Boys

Do you still happen to have johnny and kamals phone number?

i never had their number. brennan called me.
plus, that was in 1995. the 1995 that was ten years ago. that 1995. long time. much water has passed, if you know what i mean.

We have been trying to contact them for so long! We are a Radio show and we wanna talk 2 them?! Thanks

good luck. they don't like each other any more.

Date: Thu, 23 Jun 2005
From: Swavek Z.
Subject: deuce

I checked out your website, especially the pages on Giant Rock. You mention a conversation with Daniel Boone, I was wondering then, when did you meet this fellow? A couple of years back?

i believe that was in 1997.

I am disappointed to see photos of the Giant Rock split into two and then, being vandalized. If the reason for the Rock splitting was due to a campfire right next to it, then wouldn't this Rock fall right on top of the people sitting around the fire? Or, if they weren't sitting around it playing guitars, then could it be they deliberatly tried to see what would happen?

i can't imagine that a campfire of any size could have split giant rock. then again, maybe the space brothers or quetzlcoatl or criswell or whomever is coming back, after all.

From: jeremy g
Subject: tHAHAHAnks
Date: Wed, 15 Jun 2005

just read your happy tale of happy trails in the expanding DIY convertible Lucky (another fine example of everything being reducible to the level playing Fields of a(nother) WC quote:
"Things happened.") I yam supposed to be wurking, catching up on such important blah blah blah Revenue Canada (that's official second language for IRS), and tidying my (you call THAT an) office(!?!) - which is both penance for ADD and the needed distraction to keep my mind off my band's (2nd actual) bar gig tonight [please see attached]... when lo and etc while choosing tunes to accompany said tasks i start some hasil adkins, and kevin bacon my way to your most excellent site, thus earning myself an instant half-hour of immediate and hilarious diversion, with the future promise of many many more. Now i will be diligent and GET TO WERK - and i thank you thank you thank you and i bless the day you came into my life - which until now (oops, i'm starting again)...

write on!

i was reading along all happy-like until i got to the revenue canada / IRS part. WOT THE . . . . ??? fighting from the inside, is what i'm going to assume / hope. BRING IT DOWN! ASAP!
hochste lust!

if only i could. And no, no, no, i don't work there nor for them (except in the universal sense) - i only owe (and i file late or poorly or not at all - hence the needed ketchup - so i owe more). I owe, I owe, so off to wirk i go.

ah, good. let there be more exploding plaster inevitability for the masses.

From: Fingers
Date: Mon, 13 Jun 2005
Subject: Just Stuff

I really enjoyed your take on the Field Guide to the Apocalypse. I too would need to look up cosplay, but having been a television addict in the seventies I do remember James Franciscus. I don't think he was nearly as big as Richard Chamberlain. Chamberlain got to do all those "cool" mini-series(es?) like the Thornbirds and that show about pillowing in Japan.

when miniseries(es?) went out of style, i imagine richard chamberlain simply popping out of existence altogether. unless he had some purpose hidden from mortal eyes. very likely, now that i consider it.

Which once again makes me think about those stewardesses on Japan Airlines.

who could stop??

sounds like a fun book.

'tis, 'tis.

btw, i forgot to congratulate you on your former ignorance of the Pottery Barn. It's just too bad you ever had to discover its existence.

ah, well. sooner later i was bound to discover i wasn't living in shangri-fucking-la.

Date: Fri, 10 Jun 2005
From: slider

Found your site while looking around for that 92 degrees comment. I've been quoting it for years and forget it's origin. I didn't remember that it was used in a Siouxie and the Banshees song but I do know that it was definitely in a 1950s black and white sci-fi film. I can't for the life of me remember although for some reason I'm thinking it was "Them!"

close. it came from It Came from Outer Space. that's where it came from.
(the quote, not the It. i don't know where the It came from. wait, yeah i do. outer space. whew, all caught up now.)

From: Robert Q.
Subject: Roy Rogers and Van Tassel
Date: Mon, 06 Jun 2005

I had emailed some time ago with photos of where the Roy Rogers museum had been, and where they were building car dealerships on the spot of the old museum, well you'll be happy to know that the dealerships are now occupied, and business is booming, so much so, in fact, that there is a Super Wal-Mart going in as well…. And ol' Roy is spinning in his grave.
I was by the Integratron this weekend, and the Morongo Basin historical society et al, have put up a plaque in it's honor, attached are photos of said plaque, funny thing when you read it, "and in 1953 he initiated communication with extraterrestrials" and " is based on … telepathic directions from extraterrestrials" , I could go on, but you get the drift, these extraterrestrials REALLY did communicate with him, this plaque puts to rest all questions regarding Van Tassels claims, ET's are REAL….wink wink. Enjoy the photos.
Gotta go now, I'm receiving an incoming call from's something about phone home and the mojave phone booth, strange....

the "et al" is the billy holcomb chapter of the ancient and honorable order of e clampus vitus! they are spooky do-gooders. i most recently saw one of their plaques at chiriaco summit.

From: "What Ever"
Subject: The Church
Date: Wed, 01 Jun 2005

Hello, I am emailing you to correct you on The Church of Broken Pieces picture that you have on your site. The Church does not reside in South Philly, South Philly is in the southern part of Philadelphia, the church is in West Oak Lane on Ogonz Avenue, which happends to be in the North West Section of the city. The chruch is actually 4 blcoks south of Cheltenham township, which happend to have one of the better school districts in the area. The Church is very active in the community, as well as their services. I agree with the part about South Philly is a nasty place to be lost in but go and see North Philly, Northeast, Philly, Germantown, Mount Airy, Bridesburg, Juniata Park, Northern Liberties, West Philly, South West Philly, Overbrook, Society Hill, China Town, Chestnut Hill, East Oak Lane, Olney, Fishtown, Hunting Park, Frankfort, University City, Fern Rock, Center City. To name a few. Although I do not live there, I happen to have family there and know a few people that attend that church. The church is about saving souls from going to hell, they teach how to get right with God, because he is returning real soon. Instead of talking about a storefront churchs do something to help out, donate time, go to church and turn your life over to Jesus.

i can't seem to recall mentioning a church in philadelphia. also, i haven't been to philadelphia. a google search of the site didn't help me out, either. can you tell me where on you saw the item in question?

It is well My friend. Be Blessed.

doc-tor CLIFF. i might've known. < Shakes fist > I'LL GET YOU, DOC-TOR CLIFF

Date: Fri, 20 May 2005
Subject: amusing
From: Carrie S.

so I thought of you the other day...I was in a store and I saw these blue pillar candles, which upon closer examination, were "freedom" scented.

i love the smell of freedom in freedom's evening. smells like . . . handcuffs.

they smelled like armpit.

our science is god. let's go get a slushee.

Date: Fri, 20 May 2005
From: yo momma


I have enjoyed much on your site, but have been busy of late. I did check out (a tiny bit) your thing with Dodie.

There is a great deal of unfair piracy in our world. Our past is full of it, and the present is not free from it.


Are you protected by a multitude of laws or not?

no. it is a fallacy to believe that "laws" protect anyone. to believe so is an error of reification.

While you may not use many services that your taxes pay for directly (and you may find that you do more than you thought)

please don't patronize me. i'm not naive. i have devoted a great deal of time to the study of these matters. it's no mystery what governments do with the money they steal from those to whom it belongs.
the point is, if i do not want a "service," it's no good to tell me how great the service is while you force it down my throat. the mafia ran rackets in exactly the same way that government does. did the people they shook down feel grateful for their help? i doubt it.

those services create an environment where you do not have to worry as much about many many things than you would if there were not some form of taxation and system of social services.

even if these "social services" (there's an orwellian phrase for you) worked, it would *still* be wrong to fund them by means of theft and violence. but in fact, all these programs are utter failures. worse than failures, because they make the situations worse then they were before.
i don't worry about criminal individuals or terrorists; their effects upon me are rare, and usually comparatively mild. what i worry about is government, whose force and threats of violence make worse *every single day of my life*. in all of human history, for what product would people willingly work half of every year? i can't think of one either -- but the people of the u.s. are forced to do this. they are *forced*. if they refuse, they are imprisoned. if they resist, they are subject to violence. that's not freedom. that's not "service." that's horsehit. if an honest history of liberty is ever written, i guarantee that not a single chapter will feature "social services," and none of its heroes will be tax collectors.

I do believe in accountablity and representation for any taxation. If Dodie has done you wrong then more power to you, but considering the imagination and creativity and intelligence you have displayed on this site in the past I am a bit dissapointed that you are going so far off path on this one.

my disappointment is that people are so willing to be slaves and sharecroppers. i think that those who want to go down the path of servitude should be free to do so, but i wish that they would not give aid and support to those who keep in slavery those of us who wish to be free.

Date: Fri, 20 May 2005
From: Megan

We met at Burningman years ago in Bethany's camp, I was one of the 'Cunts'. I came across a bit on Amy Grant and thought of you and the mandible. In case you haven't seen it, I thought you might enjoy this:

Amy Grant Set To Make "Wishes" Come True

Also greetings to you and Wagner from ze 'Crazy Germans' (we're all here in Munich together).

Megan ('Flaming Cunt')

From: Jeanette L.
Date: Sun, 15 May 2005

I am sending you these scanned copies of you advertisement that I found in an old trunk. I have 6 copies and I was just wandering if they were worth anything. You can e-mail me back at

hard to say (unless antiques roadshow happens to be working your town). actually, antiques roadshow -- what a racket. come to think of it, i'll be in arkansas soon. put the word out to all your friends that they should bring me all their valuable antiques. i'll be running a half-price special on getting them back. it's a good deal. mexican jumping beans. hooo-eee. seriously. dogies.

From: Peter V.
Subject: Kuiama
Date: Thu, 12 May 2005


Whilst browsing the web I came across your site. There you mention the ELO song "Kuiama" and sometthing about its origin/meaning.

Now, I know its trivial (crap?) but ever since I was a kid I have been wondering about this. Could you tell me any more about this ro direct me to someone who could, please?

from what i can tell, somebody blew somebody else's heads open. that's about as far as i got. i'm not so good with lyrics.

Subject: Switcheroo = AMAZING!!!
Date: Mon, 25 Apr 2005
From: Johnny K

Oh man that switcheroo stuff...AMAZING!!! What a great idea! Oh, how I love it!
~Johnny K

no relation to mr. k (mr. kamikazee), who used to appear as graffiti on the bathroom walls of arizona state university, are you?
just checking.

Date: Mon, 25 Apr 2005
From: Professor Cardyhouse
Subject: Terrorism for tots

The author's name -- "Kronenwetter" -- can be translated into "gold water," ie, urine.

well, now, there, then, now. i never thought of that back when the goldwaters had their department stores....

Date: Sat, 14 May 2005
From: Catherine Kronenwetter

Just fyi, not sure what language you tried to translate the name from, but it's German and is translated Crowns (or Golden) Weather, not water...

i blame wasser-ever.

From: heather m.
Date: Mon, 18 Apr 2005

Do you consider yourself a performance artist? Do you consider yourself an artist, period?

errrrrrrrr . . . ummmm . . . hey, is that halley's comet up there?!?

If neither, what do you consider yourself?

mostly just very, very lucky. 2lucky.

Date: Thu, 31 Mar 2005
From: Derek B.
Subject: Arizona Frontier

I was doing some surfing in search of a copy of Arizona Frontier. I have yet to find one. I did however come across your site, and thought I would contact you to possibly find out if you have ever came across one, or any other interesting items from the movie. Any info you have would be greatly appreciated. This film and items from it seem to be quite elusive.

that's for sure. i'd question wonder whether any prints have survived, except that i've heard of screenings of it. all i have are some jpgs of lobby cards and its poster, nabbed from ebay auctions.

From: kyo k.
Subject: 666 telephone number
Date: Mon, 28 Mar 2005

Hi, I'm a college student from Cortland NY. For my Historical Methods class I was given a 666 company promotional fan, most likley from the early portion of the 20th century, for an appreasial project. I would like to call the company and see if I can get some info on how they developed their advertizing, as well as some info on the product itself. If you could give the telephone number to 666 as soon as possible I would be in your debt. I'd also like to email you the fan for possible use in your gallery section.

666 cough syrup is manufactured by monticello companies, inc. of jacksonville, florida.
let me know how it goes, & give my regards to henry dean

Hi, thanks alot for the info. I was able to get my research done online and complete my paper without calling. The phone numbers may come in handy for a latter portion of the project. Here's the paper if you would like to see what I came up with. I'll email you a scan of my fan as soon as I get my scanner up.

Date: Sun, 27 Mar 2005
From: Dr. G
Subject: Big Boy Graveyard

Any chance you can divuldge the secret location? I'm a huge BigBoy fan and would like to pay my respects.

p.s. Great site btw.

unfortunately, i couldn't begin to tell you where it was because i was just a non-detroity passenger. but there have got to be detroit peoples who could clue you in.

Thanks anyway. I have always loved BB's iconicness. I'm glad you guys had a good time in the "D".

To Deuce of Clubs