To Deuce of Clubs index page Autographed copies of Adventures with the Mojave Phone Booth are now available!

Autographed copies of Adventures with the Mojave Phone Booth are now available!

From: Colleen Corah Hitchcock
Date: Thu, 9 Sep 2004
Subject: Your Site & Ascension Poem


I'm the author of the poem you mentioned on your site. Ascension was written as a poem long before I put it on a sympathy card or poster. I did it as a personal writing after my father passed away. Last year it became one of the top selling items in Marshall Field's. So there must be others that are touched by the words. Perhaps you were as you took a picture of it and searched for information, perhaps you weren't.

I'm a songwriter, novelist, etc. and therefore have written it in a song and have it in a play, but no worry, you will probably never have the opportunity to see it, nor will anyone, whether of value or not as entertainment. I'm currently represented by William Morris in NY and just sold my first two books to Simon & Schuster. So maybe there will be a time when someone reads my work, rather than just my 16 line poem.

Apparently you have found the humor in the dead's resting place and I applaud you for that. I'm sure you're young and death is a difficult thing to grasp. It is when we're young. It is when we're older, or as it approaches us at any age.

In case you have interest. The poem is usually credited as follows:
@1987 Colleen Corah Hitchcock, P. O. Box 390082, Minneapolis, MN 55439
Used with author's permission.

I appreciated seeing the nicely done headstone as I didn't know about it. I wish you well in all you future endeavors. Good Luck to you and congratulations on a novel site.

Colleen HItchcock

i'd like to add your author's credit -- can you please tell me where on you found the reference? i have between 5,000-6,000 pages of goo on the site & while i *kind of* remember it, i just can't seem to place it.

From: Colleen Corah Hitchcock
Date: Thu, 9 Sep 2004
Subject: Re: Your Site & Ascension Poem're one ambitious dude..

thanks. some choose other adjectives.

I'll look it up tomorrow and get back to you.
It was on some site where you had photos of cemetary..
Valleyview Cemetary in dudleyville or something? Tx?

oh, RIGHT. i remember now. that's dudleyville, arizona. it's just about my favorite cemetary, right there in the heart of copper country.

I'll let you know tomorrow..if that's enough to recognize it..let me know.

Thanks, Doc...

ps...I didn't love that you didn't want to see my musical. If it ever happens...and that's a very long shot..I'd like to have you there as my guest.

Take care!

i will take you up on that. keep me posted & best of luck to you,

From: Kurt B.
Subject: Postons butte
Date: Wed, 8 Sep 2004

Hey man howz it goin? Been checking out your website from time to time, and I think I read somewhere that you're from the Coolidge/Florence Arizona area??

indeed i did spend my deformative years in the fair town of coolidge-on-the-ruins.

Anyway, I saw a pic of the "F" mountain, and had to ask about it.
You mention that the hill is called Postons Butte, and the pyramid on top is Postons tomb. Is this correct, and what else do you know about the pyramid??

it was built by friends of charles poston (sometimes called "the father of arizona" for his lobbying in favor of the creation of the Territory of Arizona, split off from what was once all called New Mexico Territory). poston was a convert to zoroastrianism, which was founded by zoroaster (or, as fans of nietzsche or 2001: a space odyssey know him, zarathustra).

I'm interested, cause we pass there every weekend or so on our way from Tucson to Apache Lake (on the salt river). We always wondered what the hell that pyramid was all about, how big it is, if there's anything inside it, how old it is, who built it, etc.

it's not all that large -- it's roughly the size of governor hunt's tomb, if you've seen that looming over papago park and the phoenix zoo. poston had once planned for a temple to the sun on that butte, which used to be called primrose butte. inside the pyramid, built by his friends, are poston's remains, which, about about a decade after his death, were moved by his friends from phoenix, where they were originally buried.

i guess i should add this info to the page with the photos of poston's tomb on it.

(unfortunately, poston was the name given to one of the unconscionable WW2 U.S. internment camps -- though, oddly, not the internment camp near poston's tomb.)

I also collect photos of weird stuff I come upon, like bottle houses, strange manmade structures, etc. Maybe you should start a gallery of the sort.

i guess one could say that i have many galleries of such things -- they're just spread over the five or six thousand pages of

Anyway - cool website, hope to hear more from you on Postons Tomb.

gracias & thanks for writing.

From: crocker1234
Subject: Deeetroit!
Date: Wed, 08 Sep 2004

Deuce man,

Had to send you a note re: your Detroit visit.

I (unfortunately) have been an almost life-long resident of this God forsaken place on Earth. Your comparison to 1945 Dresden is quite appropriate. Let me share with you a few more anecdotes.

You think what you saw was bad, you should have seen it 10 years ago. Our previous Mayor Archer finally threw in the towel and virtually gave the election to a young self proclaimed hip hop Mayor who has been accused of cronyism and holding wild parties at the mayoral mansion. Guys went to jail for dumping white paint on the big black fist that welcomes you to the city. During the annual fireworks show this past summer, 9 people were shot. Last month 12 people were shot in 1 night. Car jackings abound. The PD is under federal investigation. Its more dangerous here than Baghdad.

As a young lad, I survived the riot of 1967 that became so out of control, that Prez Johnson re-deployed returning troops from Vietnam to Detroit. I remember a tank on our street corner. People sand bagged their homes. You should have visited 12th street. That's where it began, and a lot of what you witnessed are actual, decades old remnants of that war. People fled north of 8 Mile (yep, that's the name of Eminem's movie...when I was in LA last year, I explained that continously).

Mexican Town? 2 streets. Greek Town? 3 streets. Brick Town? 1 bar. People Mover aka Coleman's can walk quicker to your destination. The Michigan Train Station appears to have been hit by smart bombs and has been in that condition for 30 years. Before the chain link fence was installed, dozens of homeless had taken up residence there. Crack neighborhoods abound. Boston Edison is no-mans land after dark. But Aretha still has a home there.

in the daytime it's gorgeous, though.

The Tigers left one of baseball's 3 original parks for a corporate owned colliseum where you are so far from the action, you need opera glasses from the box seats.

i wonder what will happen to tiger stadium. it's a shame it has to sit empty and forlorn, like so much of the rest of the city.

Yep, as the front license plate on Coleman Young's limo once proclaimed...."Do It In Detroit".

we did our best!
thanks for the detroit reminiscences. i've spent now maybe 7 whole days wandering around in detroit & can't seem to get enough. it's fascinating.

From: crocker1234
Subject: Re: Deeetroit!
Date: Sat, 11 Sep 2004

Detroit can be fascinating, but as the saying goes...its one thing to visit but entirely different to live here.

I'm astounded that you were hassled at the border crossing when you claimed to be tourists. Detroit is bending over ass backwards to promote any kind of tourism here.

Stumbled upon your web site while researching the Shady Dell. Great site! Love your WhipIt! adventures. Great car. I used to play trumpet in grade school and remember the Wipped Cream album very well.

Looks like we share an interest in Herr Wagner. My favorite composer.

Years ago, I appeared in a student film produced by USC film students entitled Ride of the Valkyries. It was a dark drama but bore no relation to Wagner.

From: jill
Subject: detroit pic for to share
Date: Fri, 3 Sep 2004

hey there-

i enjoyed your detroit tour, and thought i'd share this picture that my boyfriend took.. back in 99 or so, when we both still lived in michigan. it's from the top of the train station you shot, with some friends at the left wing. he also has quite a few amazing shots from the inside- and one of a tree that had grown from heaps of books and rubbish, through the roof above it.

thanking you for all your funnies,

that is beautiful. i've become somewhat mesmerized by detroit. i've never seen anything else like it.
i learned about roof trees on this visit. interesting phenomenon.
did you do a lot of urban exploring?

i did later on, yeah. i grew up in the sterling heights/warren area (tha 8-1-0) my dad was a cop on the outskirts of detroit, but my family is (tm), and when i was growing up i just thought that every big city was like detroit and that 'no one actually goes to cities' because we never went there, and, like those canadian people, no one knew that anyone would actually go there to be there. later on as a, for lack of a better term, 'punk' kid, i spent much more time down there in my teens and early twenties- especially in hamtramck. did you get to see hamtramck ?

quite a bit on my previous visit, briefly on this one.

i'm guessing not, because there would have been many photos, probably. the 'hamtramck disneyland' is something of a heidelberg project.

we had planned to visit this last time, but didn't get to. this time we just plum forgot.

i'd have to say it's my favorite area of detroit.

i'd have to say that my favorite part of detroit is downtown. and michigan avenue. and belle isle.

my boyfriend took quite a few photos while in detroit because he's from california, kinded of ended up in michigan on accident, and he had never seen a place quite like it.

nor had i. it exercises a strangely powerful pull upon one's imagination.

plus he documents everything- i wasn't so much like that when i lived there, was just all stuff i was accustomed to seeing at the time. he was guessing that you probably can't actually get in the train station now (?)

there's a fence, but it's clearly possible to get in, because i've seen recent interior photos on some of the detroit blogs and some of the others listed on the right side of their home page)

that is the place that he gets the most excited about if you bring up michigan. he was also excited to be able to share with his fellow californian friend where all the big boys are now, so thank you for that info as well.

de nada. i can't tell you what fulfillment was brought to me by that visit.

i dont' know how the canadian border thinger has changed in the past few years- i live in washington now, but i don't go to vancouver. in michigan i used to get sent to canada by my mom to buy tylenol 222's, and i would just tell them that's why i was there, and i never really got any crap for it, but that was a several years ago..before the you-know-what (by the way, what a t-shirt you came upon...jeez) eventually you could only bring back 50 pills per person, though, and then i'd have to bring someone with me because they will often only sell 100 pill bottles. anyway, if you ever go back, see hamtramck, do!

Date: Sat, 28 Aug 2004
From: daniel m.
Subject: paste recipe

hi, was hoping to get a copy of your paste recipe, we've making a 14 foot tall my little pony for an MIT rush project, remembered you'd mentioned something about good paste and hoped you'd have some information.

please respond as soon as possible (the pony's supposed to be done by tuesday, but even if you're late, i'd still be interested in the recipe for future use)

here is the recipe i used. good luck.

here's a tip, though the trojans are probably onto you by now.

Date: Wed, 11 Aug 2004
From: alisa r.
Subject: COOLIDGE?

Hello Deuce of Clubs person. I just happened to go to your site today, I got linked there from and I was reading your Mojave Phone Booth story when I was astonished to find out that you grew up in Coolidge. I know some people from Coolidge, or knew some people from there. I lived in Phoenix, but now I live in San Francisco ( I was born here)
I just thought if you knew of the old band Gary's Agenda, of Of Parkway Wretch or of any of those folks, maybe you are too old or young for them I have no clue. Sorta strange though, my sister reads this site and thinks its great, I was bored so I went and now this interesting little tid bit...

here's something odd ... i've had the parkway wretch site bookmarked for a while -- but i don't remember why, or where i heard of them. i wonder whether i might've seen a poster for them in coolidge or something.

Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2004
From: James J.
Subject: Horse racing and Sports Astrology, and Numerology, ect....

Hello Doc,

Love your web site, and just wanted to drop you an email.


I am one of those "walking wounded" at the Race Track that has tried Everything to win, even some of the Astrology and Numerology programs that are out there. I was intrigued by the book on your web site "Astrology and Horse Racing". by Regel Spica, and was wondering if you know where I can buy it at? Have you personally know of people to win with the method? If you know of any OTHER web sites devoted to this subject please let me know.

sometimes i get email from people who believe amy grant would be behind an obviously humorous website about amy grant's mandible. some people actually try to buy duck diapers from me. or candy cigarettes from cardhouse. it just don't make none sense a-tall.

does it?

From: scifisuzi
Subject: Switcheroo
Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2004

Hi Deuce,

I enjoyed my visit to your website. Just tonight I was ranting to my friends about band-width theft, after looking at my referrer logs (it was a long time since I looked). I did a couple of switches myself (before finding your site). For instance, someone hotlinked to my picture of Chiana (from Farscape) to post on a Beautiful Blue Babes board. Now they see this: < skull-faced Chiana >

Anyway - your site is an inspiration - I had a good time there.

gracias. glad you enjoyed it.

As you noticed, the worst offenders are people that post to message boards *sigh*

yeah. livejournal users seem to be the worst. it would be nice if anyone happened to at least be doing something interesting or creative with their stealing. but i haven't found a case of that yet.

if your site happens to be running on an apache server, there is a combined .htaccess/.php solution you might try.

From: Tom
Subject: Hasil Adkins
Date: Wed, 21 Jul 2004


I'm a music supervisor in L.A. (well, an assistant), we work on the music for Six Feet Under. More to the point, I'm a Hasil Adkins fan, and I'm wondering where you found the images on your website-- who took those pictures? I would love to get a name, a source, a lead... I would be most grateful for the assistance...

i don't know who took the photos, but they are from various hasil albums issued by the utterly indispensable norton records:

norton (miriam linna & billy miller, of the a-bones) is mostly responsible for the resurgence of hasil's popularity in the u.s. in the 90s. europe (esp the netherlands, appropriately enough) was ahead of the musical game in this respect.

From: Dennis A.
Subject: duck diaper
Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2004

Hi, I saw your duck diaper on the net and would like to have more information on it regarding price and sizes. If you can help me out, my daughter and her duck would appreciate it. Can I order off of the internet or on the phone?

*my* duck diaper? i can't think of anything about my article on duck diapers that would give you the impression that i am a duck diaper vendor
(note: nancy townsend's name and company name are on the bottom of that page.)

From: Yma
Subject: stuff and whatnot
Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2004

i decided you should go into talk radio. i bet you'd piss everyone off and become the most popular talk show guy in the universe.

talk radio? me? piss them off? why? just because i despise talk radio? because i consider talk radio addicts to be complete idiots? why on earth would that piss them off? TALK TO ME, PEOPLE! MY NUMBER HERE IS 1-800-GFY-USEF

we just got back from a week in new orleans. i love it there. really love zydeco. zoe does too. we had a lot of fun.

did you go to wagner's meat?

no, what's that?!

o. my. god.

doh! i would have picked you up a truckload of stickers! rats. if i go back in october, i'm there.

Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2004
From: Cardhouse Broadcasting Services GmbH

"work is for sucks" -- i love that. both as a phrase and as a concept.

years ago i got in trouble for saying that to an employee at a corporation where i was a contractor. "bad for morale," i was told. "no thank you," i said, in response to their subsequent offer of regular employment.

From: CodeEater
Date: Sun, 18 Jul 2004
Subject: Edward Teach Memorial Alcove

my granny use to say, "The desire to believe the best in people is prerequisite for intercourse with strangers; suspicion is reserved for friends" but she also use to say, "Your hair is the first thing to go senile".

my granny used to say, "mercy sakes." also, "wood-a, wood-a, wood-a." but she was a baptist.

Date: Wed, 14 Jul 2004
From: Cardhouse Broadcasting Services GmbH

FLAGs ... my friend and i made up a football cheer, because we were sick of football cheers.

1: YEAH!
2: YEAH!

Sometimes other people would join in. Sometimes I'd say "ALL RIGHTA!" and the other guy would say "ORE-IDA!"

Date: Wed, 7 Jul 2004
From: Juan M.
Subject: also the not so grand

dear doc,

i am about done w/ the rosenbaum book you recommended years ago--fantastic stuff. thank you. thank you buckets.

(r.r. i had known indirectly, many years ago, for the "long island babylon" article which was read in bogota, and cherished, w/ its unprintable-satanic-photograph beginning mulled over and re-used in anecdotes for no clear reason. i think i liked it so much i'd just sort of repeat the beginning, no matter what the conversation. long island didn't really come up too often. although it did come up more than you would think, amy fisher still resonating.)

in-between the secret parts of fortune i read john stilgoe's outside lies magic, a paean to the weirdness of ordinary landscapes and to really, truly looking at things as opposed to just looking at what we've been told, over and over, to look at/for. (a probably already hoary ex. from stilgoe's lecture is noticing the arrow embedded in the negative space of the Federal Express logo.)

but if you haven't read it, you might want to give it a go. great book, and it dovetails a bit w/ your percy quote & w/ your own canyon observations:

"Discovering bits and pieces of peculiar, idosyncratic importance in ordinary landscape scrapes away the deep veneer of programmed learning that overlies and smothers the self-directed learning of childhood and adolescence."

so yes.

my best to you & to herr wag (whose country the girlfriend is visiting: she is at an intensive singing/dancing retreat in obersomething, in the heart of bavaria).


had an inkling rosenbaum's sort of material would strike a chord with you.

i heard stilgoe interviewed on the radio once. very interesting stuff. and before he mentioned it, i never had noticed that arrow. and i pride myself on noticing.

(just looked through old email -- that *was* a long time ago two years. time really is elastic. or something. it's moving faster or stretching or suchlike.)

Date: Sun, 11 Jul 2004
From: Juan M.


my current (but pre-stilgoe) take on time is that as we grow older the amount of new experiences diminishes--that the brain gets better at lumping present-tense moments with others like it.

so in a way time does moves faster. it becomes easier to chunk similar experiences, and the gaps between truly new experiences (as opposed to, say, a mere variation on something previously lived) become bigger, like a film from which thousands of cells have been removed b/c they were redundant.

there is also marcus aurelius: "time is like a river made up of events which happen, and a violent stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen it is carried away, and another comes in its place, and this will be carried away too."

but speaking of things that remain, and are wonderful, i was reading the ravers section on doc & was continually suprised by finding new material in your site. this after years & years of obssessive perusing.

muchisimas gracias, mi amigo.

forgot to tell you: the fall 2004 santa monica review will be publishing a story of mine, central to which is the protagonist's visit to the museum of jurassic technology. so thank you for pointing the way to the museum & weschler's book on it.

de nada.

From: Mike G.
Subject: Tombstone
Date: Fri, 02 Jul 2004

I just did a quick search on tombstone script and yours is the first i clicked on. I love History and the Tombstone movie was great. I bought the collector's edition which had some interesting things on the 2nd disk. I liked the ineterviesws with the actors and the fact that wyatt earp III was in the movie as a cowboy.
But I was really wondering if you could tell me where you got the script I would love to read it myself.
Also any books that you might recommend would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for any help you can give me

regarding the script, you might try asking around tombstone discussion forums such as BJ's Tombstone History Discussion Forum.

the two books i would recommend you read first are Casey Tefertiller's Wyatt Earp : The Life Behind the Legend and Allen Barra's Inventing Wyatt Earp: His Life and Many Legends. both are first-rate.

From: DizzyCajun
Subject: Bob Harrington / Slim Whitman
Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004

I am intrigued by the reference to "The Pastor Of Bourbon Street" on your site. Where IS Bob Harrington these days? What is he doing?

I ran across this while checking out sites regarding my childhood idol, Slim Whitman.

Thank you for any help regarding info on Bob Harrington.


well, dizz, here's the latest miracle wrought by G-o . . . o-g-l-e:

From: johnny390
Subject: Easiest way to deny hotlinking
Date: Sun, 27 Jun 2004

After reading your "switcharoo" [sic] I am suprised that a dunce like you does not know something called ".HTACCESS" files. google it. put something like the following lines to it and voila, turds never can touch your bandwidth no matter how much they try.

your invective makes no sense. you could say:

(1) "I am not surprised that a dunce like you..."

or you could say:

(2) "I am surprised that a super-intelligent machine-human hybrid like you..."

but you should not be surprised that a dunce doesn't know something.

furthermore, given that i am not a dunce but rather a super-intelligent machine-human hybrid, you should not be surprised that i already *do* have an .htaccess file. (See the tutorial below.)

unfortunately, it does not seem to be foolproof (though it does seem to be super-intelligent machine-human hybrid-proof). i still get lots of direct-image links showing up in my logs, and if i visit those pages using IE, .htaccess does its job: nothing is displayed but the broken link icon. however, Opera seems to ignore the .htaccess file. something. because in Opera, the images do display, in spite of .htaccess.

maybe you are more super-intelligent machine-human hybrid than i, and can therefore suggest why this is the case.

any ideas?

Date: Sun, 20 Jun 2004
From: Wesley & Laura B.

Just letting you know that the Shady Dell is no longer for sale as your website indicates.


yeah, i'd heard that from ed. glad to know someone's taking it over & keeping the fun going.

i happened to catch you interviewed on some arizona highways travelogue tv show. from the show, it sounded as though you were the originators/restorers of the shady dell. ed or rita didn't even get a mention. bet that got a chuckle out of any locals who saw the show.

best of luck & thanks for keeping the shady dell alive,

From: John G.
Subject: love the Switcheroo!
Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2004

Just had to write and let you know I just love the Switcheroo section!!
I laughed my ass off. We've had several sites stealing our bandwidth and images and in the beginning we'd simply let them know that it was unacceptable and inform their hosts, it's usually a violation of hosting terms and so sometimes they'd lose their hosting… then we started swapping out the images with the raunchiest of porn we could scrounge up. Sometimes this would last for days on their sites… you have some definite awesome and hilarious 'switcheroo' concepts!!

Thanks for the laugh!

de nada. there is currently one site that i've now asked twice to remove a couple of direct-linked images. they shall soon receive a nasty surprise.

From: KenBro
Subject: 1st time site visitor KenBro
Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2004

Dear Deuce Mister
I stumbled into your site while looking for a High School Buddy by the name of Curt Powers (circa 1974 Glendale, AZ)
I was very, very intrigued by the Show low, AZ story. I went to the town to fly RC Sailplanes in 1972.
I will keep an eye out for the "rat-bastards" who unloaded your Cargo-container, man.
"The KenBro"

Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2004
From: monk
Subject: wow.. great site...

I stumbled on your site (looking for dick dale info) and man o man what a site it is!!

muchas gracias, senor. always gratifying to be admired by a pirate.

I run a pirate radio station in Boulder, CO. I'd LOVE to interview YOU sometime. I laughed my ass off (and agreed with much of what you were say) for at least 2 hours before I had to tear myself away and get some work done.

work. i have read about that.

Keep it up man. And let me know if you'd be up for a phone interview on air sometime.

say when -- pirate radio is important. did you know that a pirate radio station broadcast at least once from the mojave phone booth?

From: Kayla W.
Subject: Your Choco Tacos
Date: Wed, 02 Jun 2004

Dear Deuce of Clubs,

Your Choco Tacos are very delicious and I get them from our school cafeteria and I was wondering where I can purchase these dairy tacos? Thank-You

~* Kayla*~

thank you for your appreciation of "our" choco tacos. you can purchase dairy tacos wherever fine items of lactose intoleration are available.
perhaps you may wish to consult with the nearest passing cow.

hochste choco,

From: rob cremains
Subject: The Cremains
Date: Mon, 31 May 2004

Was doing a image search for the name of my band, and bingo, yours popped up. Poster I hadn't seen in years, too. (I'm the guy with the can of carburetor cleaner and fire.) Hilarious!
Neat article, I grew up in and around Kearny. Nice place to visit once in a while and get lost in the hills. I'll have to check the IGA there for 666 cough syrup, tho.
Thouroughly enjoyed the rest of your site. Neat work.
Anyway, I digress. Our new website address is:
Check it out, enjoy, and if you are interested in seeing us live, (Phoenix area) check out the "Tour" section.

okay, this is *weird*. totally true story. guess what cd i JUST bought, not two or three hours ago?

sacred stage.

and guess what website i was on, not ten minutes ago?

how bizarre is that?

glad you like the site. i was checking out your site's tour info, because i would love to see you guys play live. btw, does james bilagody come down to play with you in phoenix at all? i'm listening to the cd as i type -- terrific stuff. i was born in show low & as a kid i used to listen to navajo radio out of window rock. (still try to, when driving in the northern part of the state.)

it was a kick running across your poster in kearny, and trying to picture a band playing that pizza joint there. i've always had a soft spot for kearny and that entire copper strip.

man. weird.

From: Heather M.
Date: Mon, 31 May 2004


I recently bought you a book on your wish list at, but it was returned to Amazon as undeliverable, and my money was refunded.

that is unspeakably sad. i don't understand what the trouble could be -- i just checked the address at amazon, & it is the current (bisbee) address.

well, muchas gracias, nonetheless -- & lo siento for any inconvenience.

I used it to buy cigarettes. I am sitting home watching "Pocket Money" with Paul Newman and Lee Marvin (1972). The score sucks only slightly less than did "Butch Cassidy"'s.

at least butch cassidy & the sundance kid didn't have that horrid andy williams song contained in the life & times of judge roy bean.

Just thought you should know some portion of the above. You choose which part you like better.

difficult to say without further study of paul newman movies. my money's on ol' judge bean.

From: heather m.
Date: Wed, 02 Jun 2004


I will try again to fulfill one of your wishes. One so seldom gets such a chance in life.

muchisimas gracias

I once created a birthday wish-list so as to avoid boxes of stationery printed with jesters and abstract psychedelia; but I received -- count them -- zero items from this list.

birthdays and weddings, they tell me, are about "the family." whatever that means. in your case, it means:

I do, however, have a box of harlequin jester stationery and a box of blank greeting cards with Jerry Garcia paintings. They both suck completely.

but, y'know. "family." woooo.

I always enjoy DoC when I am of a mind. I don't know what "when I am of a mind" actually means, but my version is the absurdest absurdist one.


i like that.

Date: Wed, 26 May 2004
From: Regina K.


Have you any idea where I can purchase a "Save the Skeets" bumper sticker? I would like to surprise a friend of mine with one.
Thank you.

i would think your best bet would be the car talk folks, who sent me the sticker in the first place.

From: Steve Z.
Subject: Pancake recipe?
Date: Thu, 20 May 2004

Can you tell me more about the pancake recipe on your site? Is the recipe from The Original Pancake House?


it was on the back of their old business card, so i assume it is. but i couldn't swear to it in court. (after all, it does say, "OUR SECRET.")

Thanks! Can't wait to try the recipe!

let me know if it goes well, por favor?

Making up a batch for tomorrow morning. Will let you know how they turn out!

FWIW, I found an article about the Original Pancake House where a store manager says something to the effect that their recipe uses three "secret" leavening agents... Well, it turns out that the recipe on your website uses three as well... Yeast, baking soda, and baking powder. So, I feel pretty confident that your recipe is the genuine article! :-)

It's almost as if you found an old KFC business card with their secret recipe printed on the back! ;-)

if that were the case, wouldn't i already have been assassinated?

From: Steve Z.
Subject: RE: Pancake recipe?
Date: Fri, 21 May 2004

Made the recipe this morning using the recipe off your business card...

The pancakes were AWESOME!!

Exactly as I remember them!

You are the best! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!



so glad they came out well.

if my website ever goes offline, conspiracy kooks can endlessly argue over whether my disappearance was engineered by the federal government or by agents of the original pancake house.

Date: Wed, 19 May 2004
From: Fingers

I went back and looked at your Dennis page again just now, when I had a little more time. I remember you telling that story before about finding his books in a thrift store. I think I was probably too green with envy to notice how sad in the "vanity of vanities" sort of way that it is. As a fellow accumulator (not collector -nice distinction!), I can relate. We only get to enjoy our little possessions for so long.

A friend of mine recently related hearing a story about a monk, who reported that whenever one of their brothers died they were sad, but not too sad to run a foot race from the graveside to snatch up the dead man's books.

i guess the scarcity & value of books back in the days of the monasteries makes that more palatable to me than to see a man's library end up being sold at fifty cents a book.

(unless these were recent monks, clamoring to sell the dead man's library on amazon...)

From: Frederick C.
Subject: caveman shoestore
Date: Tue, 18 May 2004

You ask What the hell ever happened to Elaine diFalco's yellow Elvis Costello shirt? I don't know but I will ask her when we meet up next week to begin the first Caveman Shoestore recordings in ten years. The original trio is back together and will start recording in seattle at the end of May (2004).

good to hear -- & good to hear from you. i did hear from elaine last year & on the way to portland met up with her in butter&eggtown, u.s.a. i don't think she remembered the elvis costello shirt, but we had a good time catching up, nonetheless.

The trio is: Elaine diFalco, Henry Franzoni and Fred Chalenor. An interesting bit of CVMN SS news is that we have located long lost member Amy deVargas, now living in Scotland. Who knows what this new contact will bring. New recordings with her????

good luck with that. i'll look forward to hearing the new stuff.

From: RV
Date: Mon, 17 May 2004
Subject: Cherry Clan Candy

I have been looking for these damn things for so long, but I can not find them. Can you tell me any web sites that I can order these from? I live in the philadelphia area. If you have any information please let me know, Thank you so much...

unfortunately, the cherry clan has been disbanded, displaced by an imposter candy called "cherryheads." the same misfortune befell alexander the grape ("grapeheads"), mr. melon ("melonheads"), & johnny appletreats ("appleheads").

we have not yet figured out why ferrara-pan renamed the venerable jawbreakers, now sold as "jawbusters," unless it was so they could have a trademarkable name for them.

do these cherryheads taste the same?

just on principle, i'm going to say no.

and if so where are they at on the net?

have you met my good friend google?

Date: Sun, 16 May 2004
From: James F.
Subject: Puppet Koller.

Hello. I have a 1st. editon 1989 Jose Canseco "puppet kooler" ( In Athletics uniform, jersey #33 green, yellow, and white colors) In good Condition. U.S. patent # 4,815,999. Are you the Co. that made it? The address I have on the bottom is Sherman Oaks, Ca. Can you tell me how much is It worth? Just Curious, Jim.

are we the company that made it? ummmm ... what is it about the text "Pedophile; cokehead; steroid freak" that strikes you as marketing department language?

just curious,

p.s. -- could we perhaps interest you in amy grant's mandible?

From: jc
Subject: whut
Date: Fri, 14 May 2004

DOC et al.
Please find attached jpg. files that I produced while teaching myself PS7 ,
I enjoy various portions of your site, and your various attitude and perceptions, in a very personal, arbitrary and conditional way. PC, cool and other social manifestations are essentially a curiosity for me, and I remain observer, sometimes curious, most often cynical, due to various personal experience and approach of post boomer age..

the post-boomer age just can't arrive soon enough, i say.

If you want a disclaimer/release, it is below.. I doubt that it is necessary but you have it with all of its pseudo reflective nonsense . . If you wish to communicate, I will respond, There are 3 odd 'cartoons' coming. I offer no explanations , apologies or excuses. I believe doc may be one of very few possible entities that will 'see' my pitiful product or understand any of it.

very entertai- .... er ... interest-... er, yeah, interesting.

interestingly, i have myself been working on putting the old boy into cartoon strip form, though not in quite such a zippy-esque manner (though i suspect that gottfried wagner might appreciate your wagner-hitler conflation).


"jc"?? *the* jc? have you really time for such frivolity as mine, jc?



Graphic files under unsolicited submission or solicited submission to in this case, and only this case, so enumerated and identified as #0001PBX-menage.jpg,#0001PBX-menage.jpg,#0001PBX-menage.jpg are the non property and not sole proprietorship of JCX uninc. and as such remain en perpetuation, with the only exception among the many being this waiver of authority to copy, publish, print, portray, refer to, produce, alter, distort , demean, besmirch, bedraggle or otherwise convert to the ultimate utility and or non utility of for their eminent capital gain, loss or general maintenance of status quo , at this time, any time in the past or any time in the future , with no exceptions , and under the auspices of any such local, federal or international governing authority being irrelevent and redundant to any such disposition as stated or not stated in any informed document or proprietary manifest of consolidated or independent ignorance of same in the geographic location or implied geographic location notwithstanding literal location as described by articles of notice to incite oversight of farsighted neglect and benevolent phased authority. As such, in the so aforementioned files any image, part of an image, pixel from any image ,and or text, portion of text, word, portion of word, graphic representation of said glyph or serif, kerning or pixel relative to said component or benign or inflammatory reference to any image, part of an image, pixel from any image and or text, portion of text, word, portion of word, graphic representation of said glyph or serif, kerning or pixel relative to said component shall hereafter be the sole concern of all not involved , not to imply self involvement made solely on self perpetuating and appointed authority over any process or observance that may at this time, any time in the past or any time in the near or distant future be as self fulfilling prophecy or related to intellectual self abuse formatted on the philosophies of aligned or non aligned cultures , sub cultures, groups, sub groups, clubs, gangs, bands, unions, guilds, chat groups or administrative consortiums relative to the assignment or voiding of conceptual cool, social cool, ambiguous cool, cultural cool, hip cool, antique cool, alternate cool, temporary cool, transient cool (see temporary) , embedded cool, diverse cool (sic), enigmatic cool, exemplary cool, conformed cool, cool cool, or Brown and Williams Kool, as the case may be or not be, according to local accepted norms or traditions recorded in proper public formal codification or general knowledge of no less than one participating or non participating member of any aligned or non aligned cultures , sub cultures, groups, sub groups, clubs, gangs, bands, unions, guilds, chat groups or administrative consortiums and adjunct law professors that are inherently cross qualified to entertain training at professional levels or common and mundane strata any classification which would so fall under the general heading of Home Economics or Social Self Esteem tenets implied or otherwise assigned under precepts common to non gendered eclectic monks of any so called religion or system of belief that pertains to time stable conditional ethos portrayed variously within the general parameters of Christianity , Judaism, Buddhism, Islamism, Taoism, Confucianism, Shinto and or any other discipline not listed here but comprised of no less than one entity in membership or ascriptive association which may be so identified and otherwise concerned by things that are concerned about such things in the main or as a subjective side interest not affiliated and approved or listed in any subsequent roles of attendance records that have storage facilities in or about Carthage Missouri, Salt Lake City or Peenmunde, Germany, collectively at all locations with the original document residing only at one designated location and having authorized and serialized copies in the other locus on temporary or permanent loan until such time provident action would thereby render all locus to be repositories of ill humor and non dedicated assumptive logic as outlined in the Royal Situational Deniable Database and Emporium maintained in covert underground facilities near the suspected main entrances to Middle Earth in New Zealand or Aukland as the case may be or has been authorized. At no time, now, in the past or in the near or far future does the contributing artist consider any publication, portrayal, considered denial or outright rejection by the recipient to be of any proclaimed importance or ego gratification for the artist whether implied by recipient or not , in any forum , public or private, published or spoken word, at any location in any manner or medium, and thereby confers upon the recipient all rights already enjoyed by recipient under the aegis of all things mortal and some things semi mortal but not including moral or internal organic malfeasance arising from the use, mis-use, abuse or non use of any combination or recombinant forms of Cherry Clan ( tiny plum nazi) candy, Cheetos props rendered in non biodegradable styrofoam, grain alcohol or related pscho-active beverages, baked beans heavy on the onion, white castle hamburgers under any ersatz nomen , chips and no dip, dip ala carte or poorly rendered and geocentric renditions of pizza and or pasta of any form or combined presentation , either in strict adherence to conform with integral root recipe ingredients and handling or impromptu Americanized sub-versions facilitated and produced by ill trained or otherwise incompetent food vendors attempting to exploit any given market base for the accumulation of temporary capital to further adulterateother previously proscribed favorites or traditional constructs of any given national or ethnic format. All recipients that have read thus far shall have committed the greatest of shock upon supplier of said aforementioned graphics and should stand so advised that the supplier is of set cynical observations pertaining to this waiver or statement being so conjoined by personal and grievous circumstance as to have actually read riders, statements and other nonsense in regards to health insurance and medicare in and of their official and documentary existence and is under temporary restraint of normal judgment due to actual and believed to be actual fundaments of society passed through a grid of self aggrandizing barristers and other entities so ascribed in time and place to provide their own substantial and formidable justification for their existence and purpose, be it jaundiced by the light of truth or simply a rip-off. Supplier, falling into the category of newly liberated barely pre elderly position hereby and always commends unto the hands of fate that which is forever fate, and assumes no romantic or nostalgic ties or reverence upon any foundation of pre prescribed angst.

Date: Thu, 08 Apr 2004
From: Tom A.

Your website is a cultural treasure trove. And to think, I stumbled across it looking for the words to "Una Paloma Blanca"!

...Must compliment the article on the Navajo "Begay" name. Like Mountain Monograms, I have spent most of my years in AZ thinking I'm the only one who wonders about such things. Mystery solved!

Date: Fri, 14 May 2004
From: Robin M.
Subject: Wagner's head, Burning Man, etc.

So, I find that there is another person who takes pictures of Wagner's head (I have five different ones to choose from). Beyond that, I am working on a book about Wagner, acid, sex and Burning Man (among other things.) It seems to me I need to talk to the Wagner head man. Are you going to be at Burning Man this year? We should meet up.....

what? what? what? really?

i must see pix! are they on the web?

No, the pictures are just at home. I could send you a favorite or two (I don't even own a computer at home, am useless with the thing in any case....though I am planning to get one/ learn to use it/ get a digital camera, etc this summer). I, unlike you, haven't traveled with them.

perhaps that means you are to some degree sane.
(note: the previous does not constitute qualified medical advice.)

I just taking funny shots at home with the various busts. Like Wagner through the Ring, Wagner with refracted color on face, the five busts in order of size (with me), etc.

sounds nice. i have some photos of my other wagner statues (intended for their own small section on the site), but i haven't posted them yet.

I thought I should google "Burning Man" and "Richard Wagner" thinking I might find something interesting - because I keep meeting the most boring Wagner people. It worked. You do not seem boring!!!!!

i have often been accused of this or the other ... but never of that.
i used to try & expect otherwise, but experience has taught me that wagnerians can be a stodgy lot.

For instance, I just returned from New York where I did standing room for the Ring and dropped by the "Wagner society reception" - to get some free wine (they ran out before I got there) and food and see what New York Wagner folks look like. Well, they look really old and really uptight.

one wouldn't expect this of devotees of a librettist who glorified incest, would one? but, alas, such is usually the case.

at least gottfried wagner had something of a sense of humor about our old boy.

I think of Wagner as the patron saint of Burning Man. His fans should be interesting, lively, creative BM types .

it is surprising that they are not.

(btw, did you see this total chance encounter? i wasn't even sure it really happened until i saw the photos. she spotted wagner and stood between me and 88 burning pianos. one of the great moments of my existence.)

Anyway, send me an address and I will drop a few pictures your way. Do you live anywhere near Santa Cruz (CA). Perhaps our busts should meet (and, of course, a family photo).

i live in arizona, but if wagner ever passes through santa cruz, he would be happy to meet, greet, & be photographed. it's pretty much his thing.

I love the picture of Gottfried and great-grandpa! Just classic.

I've been to Burning Man just once - about five years ago, I think. Basically, the outhouses were so disgusting that I couldn't stomach coming back until now. I hear that they do a better job with the outhouses - but I am coming with an RV (our camp has a trailer trash theme) - so I will have more control on that issue.

one of our burning man mottos was: "where the shit rises up to greet you!"

From: Terry R.
Subject: Uma Paloma Blanca
Date: Sat, 8 May 2004

I was disappointed the audio files from your contest were missing on your website. Any chance of you reposting them?

sorry, terry ... having some serious storage capacity issues with my ISP, so the larger files had to go.

(i really would like to see an uMa paloma blanca.)

Date: Sat, 8 May 2004
From: monte w.
Subject: gary bear- #164

hello deuce of clubs.

hope you're still at it and checking mail.

with a vengeance.

i know this is a pretty dated subject,

not at all, amigo. curiosity never dies.

but i wanted to comment on the GARY BEAR thread (item 164). i live in tucson and i've known of him for years. through some effort, i've recently become something of an acquaintance of gary. that aside i can tell you that absolutely without a doubt, he's the real thing and might not even understand why anyone might mistake him for a put-on. that might seem hard to belive until you spend some quality time with him and get to experience even more hard to belive facts about this musical oddity/genius/oddity again.

the pre-wrapped change thing is fantastic. just as much as gary being surprised that one would find it intriguing and want it signed.

that is heartening. so very heartening. who doesn't heart real things?

oh, i should mention gary is also pretty active in the tucson theatre scene. i haven't seen him in anything yet, but i have to say i haven't been to many plays here. this is at least one good reason to go!

say, if you hear of a production featuring mister bear, would you let me know? i am often in tucson & would love to see him in something.

funny you asked about shows in tucson. gary has been playing more and more lately. he's added danny walker (serge from bebe & serge) as a drummer to his set and is a little more accessible to the general public, but no less weird to be sure.

that a fact? very interesting -- wagner has met mr. pork torta before

From: Baruch
Subject: Hot Linking
Date: Sun, 25 Apr 2004

In setting up my Website I encountered the concept of "hot linking", which I'd never heard of. The information referred me to your Website, which was a riot! Thanks.

de nada

I have one question, though - do you find yourself getting hot-linked a lot?



because it has thousands of images.

To be honest, until I read about this (hot-linking) I never even thought it would have been bad to do. I would have assumed that, since the link was out there available to the public, it would be OK to link to it. Since many Webmasters like to get plenty of hits for their advertisers, I would have assumed that the hits would be appreciated.

i think you're right, that this is what a lot of people think. but advertisers don't pay by image hits, they pay by page hits (or click-throughs), so all direct linking does is drive up the traffic charges from the site host.

I now know better; my point, though, is that there might be a lot of people out there who hot-link out of ignorance, and not because they're crooks... guys like me, for example.

i don't think of them as crooks, exactly. i do think that people ought to learn a little about what they are doing before they do it.

Anyway, thanks for your amusing take on hot-linking, and why it might not be such a good idea to do it... I loved it.


From: Bill L.
Subject: Lincoln: The Man and the Sequel
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2004

Re: Lincoln: The Man and the Car.
Good stuff, even if I did come up with it first. Used it as a gag book title in AutoWeek magazine, circa 1985, and again as the title of a commentary, around 2000.
All best,
Bill L.

but -- i think the book i have is from the late 60s or early 70s at the latest.

From: Alex B.
Subject: duck diapers
Date: Sat, 17 Apr 2004

i have a pet duck also. i think the diapers are an excellent idea. please let me know how i could get some?

google, alex;

alex, google.

From: Earl T.
Subject: E-L-E-V-E-N
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 2004


Just wanted to thank you for the great site. I wanted the cover art for the Sainkho "Out of Tuva" and noticed the Negativland "Time zone" reference. Nice! Keep up the good work.

de nada. any friend of sainkho and Negativland is a friend of ... something good.

From: Robert Q.
Subject: nice site, and more
Date: Wed, 24 Mar 2004

Your website just cracks me up! For every twist, there is another turn, quite a cyber-tapestry!

for a wagner fan, i'm quite a weber.

On to the point, I noticed your piece on the Roy Rogers / Dale Evans Museum, I drive by it, or where it was, everyday, I'd be happy to take a photo of the earthmoving equipment rearranging the area of this former Victorville (Victim Ville) attraction for you.

por favor.

Also, I'll look through my childhood photos of my time spent at Giant Rock; I remember the café, and all the UFO memorabilia inside, the house under the rock, the UFO conventions, and it was all quite bizarre to a 10 year old. My family used to ride dirt bikes in the area and we would go by to see the "interesting" people that lived and worked there.

i would *love* to see any photos such as you describe. i'm sure the readers of deuce of clubs would, too.

From: Robert Q.
Subject: photos of roys place
Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2004

As promised, here are some photos of Ol' Roy's place. Dusty(I think that was his name), Roy and Dale's son, moved the museum to Branson, MO. after a falling out with the city, and declining patronage. You may recall that the road around the museum was a traffic circle, the city is putting the road straight through, no more circle. It?s the future home of Greiner Pontiac.
The original museum was actually in Apple Valley, just to the east of Victorville, it's now a bowling alley. It was across from the Apple Valley Inn, which is now a brain injury treatment center. Also adjacent to the original location in Apple Valley was the Apple Valley air port, now a bunch of apartments the locals call `felony flats,' the times they are a changin'...

From: Galen I.
Subject: Send Notice When Updated
Date: Tue, 23 Mar 2004

I like what I've seen, so I'm asking, if not begging, to be notified when you update.

& I'm hoping it's every other day or so.

But I'm greedy that way.

the updates tend to be every other week or so. i'm lazy that way.

the update notifications are even less frequent. that's what makes them so "unobtrusive" and "occasional." usually it's when i add a major new feature or section.

(to be notified of day-to-day updates, you could use a freeware web page monitoring program such as webmon.)

Date: Fri, 19 Mar 2004

From: jess

that boob cake is the greatest thing. i want to make one, but i'm not sure i have an appropriately boob-centered occasion. (best wishes to max.)


to the right-thinking person, isn't *every* day a boob-centered occasion?

when i was in the coffee shop the other day, there was a girl crocheting boobs. seriously... stuffed-sculpture crocheted breasts.


i got a digital camera for my birthday; i need to start bringing it to the coffee shop and documenting some of the weird shit i run into there. to the right-thinking person(i got totally stumped by which of "those words" rhymed with "bam," too. "damn" is completely off my radar as a swear word.

From: Minty Jane
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2004

that's BEAUTIFUL!!


Date: Wed, 17 Mar 2004
From: Maryelizabeth H.
Organization: Mysterious Galaxy
Subject: hit your site researching the Shady Dell ...

and wondered if you are had encountered Jeff Mariotte's novel about Slab City, THE SLAB

he's my hubby, hence the unsolicited endorsement...

i hadn't heard of it, but the excerpts on the website are very interesting.

that is one fun area out there. i imagine you must've met up with leonard knight, as well? he's quite a guy.

From: Dave B.
Subject: 2 of Clubs
Date: Sat, 13 Mar 2004

I happened to find your site (nice) while looking for info on the sixties group, 2 of Clubs. The only info I have about them that isn't mentioned on your site is that they had a big hit named "Walk Tall, Like a Man", in the mid 60's. Don't remember the exact year, but do remember it got a lot of play on the radio and on the jukeboxes while I was in high school.

i was in touch for a while with patti valentine & she was going to contact linda parrish & an interview was in the works. then, contact was lost. so ... patti did provide a good deal of excellent information, which i'll have to get around to posting.

Date: Wed, 10 Mar 2004
From: Nathanial H.

Gary Bear is for real. He's not a joke. I don't feel comfortable saying any more.

can you REALLY be doing this to me? tantalizing me? tantalizing is not far from taunting, and while this is not the NBA or NFL, taunting is still ... tantalizing.

say more. for a fellow arizonan. por favor.

Date: Wed, 10 Mar 2004
From: Agent Hesby
Subject: bored

From: Jessamyn
Subject: what about my needs????
Date: Tue, 9 Mar 2004

if goddamned Killington secedes, my commute to work will now be one more state long!!!!

ah, but at least no one on the new hampshire side will make you show I.D.

From: Jane H.
Subject: "double DOODIE"
Date: Thu, 4 Mar 2004

you forgot that one! Have you seen the latest boobies and ass?

niiiiiice. what's that there, on the left nipple?

Holy crap, those cakes on your page are FUNNY!


the portland contingent knows its cakes.

From: Ryan S.
Subject: Switcheroo
Date: Sat, 28 Feb 2004

Nice site, quite funny stuff.

As funny as those stories are, it might be nice to put a link to show people how to prevent hotlinking, like say:

I know not everyone has the ability to use htaccess on their web host, but it'd be nice for a lot of people.

Just a thought.

i was going to put an .htaccess how-to up, except that i'm using that method and somehow it still seems not to be 100%, for reasons i do not understand. sometimes it prohibits direct linking; sometimes it does not. probably something simple to straighten out, except that i'm not much of a web geek (as is no doubt evident from my site).

the worst offender is livejournal -- they could help a lot by simply preventing hotlinked images (as i wish message boards would do).

BTW, ran across your site via, via - funny how random surfing can turn up a gem like switcheroo!

glad you came on by.

From: Dave S.
Subject: Gelatinous Mutant Coconuts
Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2004

I was not aware that macapuno sport balls were available in a candy form.

c'mon ... "gelatinous mutant coconut?" how could it *not* be a candy?

I have a jar of gelatinous mutant coconut in the refrigerator for the sole purpose of inflicting them on guests.

a gracious host is a precious thing, indeed.

The really amazing thing is that the serving size is 1/2 cup, and I can barely stomach eating one.


clearly, then, what you need are more guests.


Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2004
From: jess
Subject: dear mr. of clubs

so if i wanted to get you a book for the Project, where do i send it? have you an address?

more or less.

i mean, some of them are pretty cheap in their used state. and a grad student must contribute to the cause of reconstituted poetry. especially since it's terrifically relevant, actually, to my digital studies class. your site in general, and the yeats project in particular. perhaps i shall point it out to folks, actually.

i really ought to be studied. many would agree. many would contribute money for my prolonged scientific incarceration.

(i know, this sounds silly. "digital studies" sounds silly, but it will probably end up being My Thing. the second coming project is relevant because we have been reading lev manovich, who says among other things that digital media is the realm of pastiche rather than creativity.)

interesting. i thought the dadaists established that one could engage in both simultaneously...

From: ari_b
Subject: gangster frankenstein earphone radio slavery
Date: Wed, 25 Feb 2004

More stuff you may already know:
I was reading your homage to Matt Gerson and noted that you compared him to "the guy reading the prose of Francis E. Dec, Esquire on the Psychic TV CD Ultrahouse: The LA Connection.
I have this CD and recognized the voice as belonging to Boyd Britton, AKA KROQ FM's "Doc on the Roq." Sad but true. Why is he known as "Doc?" I know not. Perhaps it stands for "Deuce of Clubs."

(i has me doubts abouts that.)

I sent the man an email, which as you can see I am wont to do. He informed me that his recording of the text was first used by the band Critters Buggin', whose track turned out to be titled "Bill Gates," I believe. I like quotation marks.
Doc tells me he prefers the Critters Buggin' track, but I suspect it is because (as he told me) they paid him, while Genesis P-Orridge did not which is hardly surprising.
Hope this makes your gristle throb.

you can hear britton's original recordings (and sample them yourself -- why not? everyone else does) at:

(i'm still) doc from the bloq

Date: Wed, 18 Feb 2004
From: Tess
Subject: Spaghetti Sauce & Other Delights


Don't know if you have [Spaghetti Sauce & Other Delights] in the archive, but I thought I'd pass it along to be safe. Yes. To be safe. If I didn't, I wouldn't get any sleep until I did.

Oh yeah, I feel great!

- Tess ^..^

cooper's spaghetti album is on d.o.c. somewhere, though i can't at the moment recall precisely where.

The other two things ...your site is just so vast. I can spend hours looking and learning and barely scratch the surface. It occurred to me you might have seen or even have those items, but I was way too lazy to look. :)

so am i. usually, i have to google my own site to find things

ah. there it is.

Do you have your own copy of Spaghetti Sauce? I had this nagging feeling of familiarity all night and called my mom this morning - yep, I have a copy in storage back home. I bought it at a rummage sale years ago as a gag for my spaghetti and Pat Cooper lovin' dad. Joke's over, you can have it if you'd like. Seriously.

that's very kind of you, tess. but i do have a copy of my own. it's possible that no house should be without one, but certainly no house should have more than one.

From: Barry C.
Date: Wed, 18 Feb 2004
Subject: Thank you! (Switcheroo pages)

Thanks... I damn near peed my pants reading your pages, especially the "Slim Whitman" AFTER photo. I have been having problems with people - mostly blogs - linking to images on my site, and I was just doing a little research on how to stop this. I came across your site and really enjoyed it! I may have to do this soon...


the big problem is being able to track the message board linkers. most of the time the referral log does not show the page that is snagging the image (instead, you just get, e.g., an .asp that leads you to the main board page, which tells you pretty much nothing).

let me know if you pull any switches -- i like to see what others come up with.

From: Michelle C.
Subject: Bedouin Wagner
Date: Sun, 15 Feb 2004

Where shall I send the cleaning bill for the pants I just soiled?
THAT was funny!

if deuce of clubs cannot be responsible for "injuries to extremities," surely a little pissy-pants cannot qualify for recompense.

lo siento,
d.o.c. mgt.

From: Christa
Subject: Concerning Wagner
Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2004

Dearest Doc-

Just a quick hello and to say I think you're a smart ass. You've earned my respect.

smart-assery earns respect? then i should be a bank president or something by now...

Date: Mon, 9 Feb 2004
From: Vince B.

Greeting Deucoix (Deucers?)

So it all began as a search for art cars that *I* consider cool, and then became a flame to go to BM 2004, but after more poking I think that I'm pretty sure that 30,000 people's "radical self expression" really might be too much for a single location (though the playa is BIG (or so I've heard) - maybe someone will set up an alternative next door.) So I was reading about the death of BM, and the Mojave Phone booth and Whip it!...

But I digress...

Following on the tribulations of Herr Wagner I came (inevitably?) to the selection of items presented by Hello Wagner ... put's me in mind of an old Stan Freeberg bit about "The Rung de nibelung, by the late great Dickie Wagner" ('merican pronunciation)

But I digress...

So anyway I'm in China teaching kids to talk proper Englich (like I do) and I see articles like those under "EXCELLENT ACTIVE SUPER AMUSIVE PLAY" every day (I don't doubt that you noticed the common thread among most of the objects thereunder).

sure. (though the koreans seem to do the best manglish jobs.)

One of the classes I tought last year was "Hobby Class" which basically entailed babysitting a gaggle of screaming Chinese 2nd graders while they turned all the colors of "Play-Doh" (tm) into grayish brown. Their previous instructor (who was fired for making out with his "translator" at the back of the classroom - It's OK really, he told the kids to look the other way (BID...)) had been concentrating on teaching them how to make mushrooms and strawberries out of a book of pictures of mushrooms and strawberries made of "Play-doh" (tm). Boring.

Anyway One of the kids who's Mom was too cheap to get him real "Play-Doh" (tm) had a box of "Colorful Plasticity Mud". I took a picture of the box, intending to do something with it, and I guess this is it.

I am also attaching ... another fine product not available outside Asia - Frozen Bean popsicles -
Yum! (OK, Not really, but not nearly as vile as salted dessicated fruit or dried fish candy)

holy crap. that is disgusting. i am delighted.

Date: Tue, 10 Feb 2004
From: jess

man, i wish i'd thought to ask you for the incident report book! oh well... your excerpts cheered me up enough, really.

Date: Mon, 9 Feb 2004
Subject: peterson's incident report book
From: j

ok, that was laugh out loud funny! i'm gonna go hang out at peterson's!

From: ari_b
Subject: Incident Reports
Date: Fri, 06 Feb 2004

I must possess the Peterson's Incident Report Book.
Do not stand in my way.
Better yet, assist me.
That is all.

you are one day late. (see below.)

do you find yourself also one dollar short?

From: Melinda
Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2004

i am positively in love with peterson's incident report book. is there more? or is that it? i'll cry if it is ... don't make me cry. please?

there is more. those were just highlights. if you like, i'll mail you the book with my compliments.

*really*? wow, that would be ... great. i really love what's on doc. it reminded my of an old friend ... warmed my little heart. thank you!

Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2004
Subject: please post my email

Dear Frank Lazlo,
Somehow I landed at this website, so I'm hoping you're a regular reader so you might email me back. Did you have a son named Scott born on July 6, 1957? My email is He does not know I am trying to find you online. I'm his sister. We have different fathers but the same mother.
--Searching Sister

you have me very confused here. (i note for the record that you are an aol user.)

what is it that makes you think frank lazlo has anything to do with

Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2004

Dear Doc,
Thanks for writing. Your website came up on an online search with Frank Lazlo's name. Then when I scrolled the "Ravings" messages, there was "From Frank" with an email address beginning with Lazlo, so I wondered if he were a regular contributor to your website, and might be reading. I understand if you can't post such an obscure message as mine!
The Searching Sister

ahhh. closer inspection will reveal it to be two emails, one from frank and the other from lazlo. no frank lazlo. lo siento. arigato. abiento. han solo.

Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2004
Subject: stopped by your site tonight
From: tom m.

uncanny how every time I stop by, I find something that obliges me to drop you another note... this time I was checking out your bay area visit photos, the one where you were getting the van you bought on eBay; see, I've always wanted one of those Toyota vans of that specific body style; they just look so distinctively Japanese in a way that most Japanese cars in America do not ... they look like something Godzilla would eat.

those old toyota vans do look other-worldly (or at least other-country-ly), which is one of the reasons i wanted one. another reason was their reliability. unfortunately, i'm going to have to get rid of mine -- it turns out to be just not large enough to live out of. so i'm going to sell it and look for a truck on top of which i can plop a camper.

say ... anyone want to buy a van, cheap?

From: Mary C.
Subject: diaper duck
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 2004


I stumbled across your story about Nancy Townsend and her duck matilda. I also have a duck and two cats. I was wondering if you had an e-mail address for her or if you could forward mine to her so that we may chit chat about the ducks. My name is Mary from Ligonier, PA. I would greatly appreciate it if you could help. Thanks!

well, that was a long time ago, & i met her only that one time, so i'm not in touch with her. but a google search turned up her site:

goose duck,
good luck,

From: Freddy
Date: Fri, 23 Jan 2004
Subject: Wow! Your site is something.

I am not quite sure what to make of it, but found it rather intriguing.
I was doing a search to find book clubs. I am an author and am
looking for ways to market my book. Does that have any
relationship to what you do?

not so much, really. in fact, it's likely that more than a few of the authors would prefer their books not be commented upon at deuce of clubs...

At least, thanks for the humor - I like it.

muchas gracias y recuerdos

Kad sochira ga sono yo na hitsuyo naraba ...

Date: Thu, 15 Jan 2004
From: Edmund O.
Subject: all hail the courage of ice cream truck drivers


First off, your site's great. It rocks. I think I've read everything on it, and it's a great site to keep up with. Thanks.

That covered, I thought you might not yet have had the chance to see the Hero City line of toy cars from Matchbox. According to Matchbox, Hero City showcases "heroic themes, such as rescue, fire, police, construction and sports cars," for kids. While many people (including me) have worried that the word "hero" has been overused in the last couple years and is losing its meaning, I find it refreshing that Matchbox can still teach me things about what it means to be a hero.

In addition to firefighters and police, I've learned through the Hero City line that street sweepers are heroes, too.

I've also learned that driving an ice cream truck qualifies one as a hero.

And, while I used to dislike the increasing intrusion of advertising into my life, I see I've been looking at it from the wrong perspective: people who advertise where there's no need for it are heroes, too.

To learn how these heroes act with fortitude, unbending morals, and valor, you can drive their vehicles down a heroic parking ramp, then wash the dust of hard gutsy work off at the heroic car wash.

strange, indeed. heroes come in all flavors these days, it seems. they're even trying to make heroes of cops, of all people.

To Deuce of Clubs